If you want an intellectual and spiritual challenge that is rich, beautiful, painful, hilarious, troubling, and true, read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life: An Anidote to Chaos
Better yet, if you have audible, buy it, he narrates it in a way that is personal, especially in discussing the loss of his best childhood friend in the worst kind of way, which for me is terribly familar.
I have read dozens of books in the last year, mostly covering theology, human nature, psychology, and history. However, I have listened to this book 4 times now.
If you really want to know yourself, you have to explore not only your light, which is easy, but you also have to explore your dark. You have to sit in the uncomfortable and vulnerable truth of your own imperfection and do so in the eyes of God. We can only manifest our greatest purpose and goodness as was intended by God, if we are willing to bare the truth of our souls as we walk with God, as did the first man and woman in their nakedness before they found shame in self consciousness, knowing good and evil.
After a year of self exploration, that has often required excruciating acceptance of my life, the good and the bad, it is refreshing to read this book again and find even deeper meaning. I've read that we really only retain 10 to 15 percent of what we read, and this book will challenge the most intellectually acute.
One of the greatest themes in this book is that we can only find meaning and manifest our true greatness and purpose if we are willing to take on the struggle and responsibility of confronting suffering in ourselves first, so we can find the courage to confront suffering in others and the world, and do our part to lessen it.
I will forever be grateful for the Hercelean struggle and effort that Peterson put into writing this book.
So if you are wanting to be productive, ask yourself the hardest questions mankind has ever asked, you will find them in this work. It will be hard, but so many people die never knowing who they really are, because they have not asked themselves the hardest questions required to find the courage to truly live as was intended, because that might mean living a deeply meaningful but uncomfortable life.
The journey never ends, but this book will get you much further along your way.