Once upon a time, in a faraway land where originality is but a myth, Hollywood waved its magic wand and turned Snow White into a cinematic dumpster fire.
Let's start with the casting. Snow White? More like Snow Slightly Beige. not a single apple in sight could have saved this performance. And the Evil Queen? Oh, sheโs evil alrightโฆ for making us sit through two hours of overacted villainy that makes a Saturday morning cartoon look Oscar-worthy.
The dwarfs? Waitโฆ sorry, the magical woodland associates (or whatever theyโre called now). Half of them look like they just wandered off a Renaissance fair, and the other half seem confused about why theyโre in this movie at all.
The CGI? Iโve seen more convincing special effects in a Snapchat filter. The apple scene, a crucial moment of suspense and magic, had all the tension of a grocery store checkout line.
And donโt get me started on the โmodernizedโ dialogue. Imagine if Shakespeare wrote his plays while scrolling through TikTok, thatโs the level of painful cringe weโre dealing with here.
The only thing that kept me awake was the sheer absurdity of it all. If you enjoy watching childhood classics get mercilessly rebranded into lifeless, agenda driven cash grabs, then congratulationsโฆ this movie was made just for you. For everyone else, save your money and just rewatch Shrek instead.
Final Verdict: This movie took โhappily ever afterโ and turned it into โplease let it be over.โ