Rebecca Chandler

Good lord. What did I just watch?! This is, unquestionably, one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. In addition to the woefully incongruous, smothering, cloying and distracting score, Lee takes a machete to any notion of continuity and narrative arc, while the acting from some unnecessarily high profile performers seems to underpin a general sentiment that they all probably realised a little too late just how terrible the film actually was. At about the half way point, Lee begins to chop haphazardly between modern and vintage film treatments, while we’re given respite from the terrible score only to be assaulted by some eye-twitch-inducing-ly pitchy and repetitive Puerto Rican fare that drags on far past the point of reason. I had to tap out at 1:16:00, with 59 mins remaining. I was concerned I was going to involuntarily stab myself to death with a spoon, which, to be fair, would have still been infinitely more enjoyable than that hour and a bit I just threw into the pit of despair. FML. Just. Don’t.

(Cue exhausted, snotty, mortified, frustrated emoji) Well... someone clearly read Dan Brown, went to film school, and popped their third year script in the back of the closet til they thought no one would notice. How utterly snooooooze fest. Good lord, when will we stop funding these lobotomizing facsimiles? Oh yes; when the zombies stop watching them. Dear Zombies, Please learn how to read, and stop guzzling whatever trash media they tell you is trending. Many thanks, The Minority, that remember what feeling enlivened, excited and genuinely impassioned by a piece of cinema felt like.

Could be wonderful if it weren’t so damn intolerable. I found myself mostly underwhelmed and inexplicably mildly irritated after each episode.