Usman Naeem

**0/10 - A Crushing Disappointment that Sucked the Life Out of Me** I've seen better filmmaking at a high school production of "Our Town". Longlegs is an affront to the very concept of storytelling, a soulless, uninspired, and downright infuriating experience that left me feeling like I'd just been subjected to a slow-motion torture session. The "plot" (if you can even call it that) is a jumbled mess of nonsensical nonsense, with characters that are about as deep as a kiddie pool. The acting is atrocious, with performances that range from wooden to cringe-worthy. The dialogue is a series of clunky, unnatural exchanges that sound like they were written by a room full of tone-deaf monkeys on typewriters. But hey, at least the cinematography is something to behold... if by "something to behold" you mean "a bunch of poorly framed shots with awkward lighting and an overall sense of aesthetic apathy". The score is a cacophonous nightmare, a mishmash of ear-piercing strings and jarring electronic beats that made me want to rip my eardrums out. And don't even get me started on the pacing. Longlegs crawls along like a snail on valium, with long stretches of boring exposition and zero effort to keep the viewer engaged. It's like the filmmakers thought we'd all just be content to sit there, mesmerized by the sheer tedium of it all. In short, Longlegs is an abomination. It's a waste of time, a waste of money, and a waste of the very fabric of cinematic art itself. Avoid it like the plague. Avoid it like a bad rash. Avoid it like... well, you get the idea.