Noah Masters

Does anyone enjoy being beaten over the head for 135 minutes with the Hammer of Metaphorical Explanation?! So brutal to watch. I get what his concept was but clearly there was a reason no studio would finance this nonsense. And it really is nonsense. FFC clearly needed people to rein him in. The plot is incomprehensible (except using the Roman historical plot in a modernist setting) and the script is so scattershot I have no idea what’s going on. The one saving grace is that it’s a very beautiful movie visually to watch… and as much as I don’t like Shia lebouef I do enjoy him hamming it up as a nutter. Maybe this would have worked better as a television series but it completely fails as a movie. The only thing more painful than watching this movie is thinking about the opportunity cost of the $150mm he sunk into this crap.

This is my thinking for how this movie was made: Hey Netflix here’s a story, what if we make a sci-fi movie but it’s actually not sci-fi it’s just some bizarro reason for, and hear me out: DINOSAURS. Now imagine if there’s a spaceship and wait hold on, don’t forget there will be DINOSAURS. How much did that cost? Oh we wasted our budget on cgi DINOSAURS? Sorry let’s destroy the ship because thats gonna cut into the DINOSAUR budget. What? No one has actually finished the script? No worries we will just make one of the characters speak a different language so she can’t talk so we don’t have to write any dialogue for her. Also we’ll pretend she’s a 9 year old even though she’s actually nearly 18. What’s that? We need character progression? That might take away from cgi DINOSAURS. Obviously we can’t waste money on script writers because we blew our load on DINOSAURS. You think the audience will notice there’s no reason to care about any of the characters? Whatever we got DINOSAURS. Audiences don’t care about dialogue and plot development as much as seeing an 18 year old playing a 9 year old who wants to cuddle DINOSAURS. Anyway who’s gonna remember this movie because remember DINOSAURS!

The man just wanted to read some books. And then some Russian mobsters decided to interfere. Let’s just say… this version of the old man and the sea def involved the fisherman killing A LOT of mofo sharks. Such a silly film but so entertaining!

This was one of the most incredibly surreal documentaries I’ve ever seen. It was absolutely incredible. The way it’s shot makes it seem like your watching a faux documentary fictional drama show. I had to keep checking to make sure this was a true story because it is almost too incredible to believe. I mean there’s a cop named Mustard for crying out loud! Everyone should watch this to get a better understanding of how much police reform is needed in this country. My only gripe was the way they demonized the perpetrator when the story comes together at the end. Obviously I don’t condone his actions but clearly the guy needed mental help. The focus is so much on the end result of this guys incredibly bizarre actions and then they completely disregarded the fact that he’s definitely mentally ill and wasn’t able to get help. So presumably this story wouldn’t exist if the perpetrator had been getting regular treatment from the VA. But then again America tends to ignore their vets as soon as they get discharged. It’s just tough to see that there was a complete lack of awareness for the guy especially when mental health issues have been rising at an alarming rate Anyway, i found the show fascinating and encourage everyone to watch.

I saw this movie once a long time ago in a galaxy far far away and it was called (checks notes) Top Gun?!?! But I’m watching the same exact movie again somehow but the graphics are better and the main character looks a bit more leathery. Also the blonde lady has been replaced by a brunette, ice man can’t talk, but some surprisingly named knockoff loudmouth called Hangman is there to fill the noise; Tom skerritt character now a meaner non-mustachioed former ad-man looking kinda guy, and last but not least goose has been replaced by his doppelgänger looking son rooster. Incredible stuff that people will eat up

Even if it’s not the most intriguing of plots the dialogue and acting are lights out! Lange and Sarandon are so good and they def make this an entertaining watch. It’s also well directed with amazing cinematography.

Firstly I have always loved the MI movies but Oh dear me the dialogue and plot in this movie is so horrific it’s like being hit over the head with a hammer. It’s about the dangers of AI but I guarantee ChatGPT could have spit out a better script than this travesty. Obviously MI movies are about action sequences- which of course are always great - but they’re way too few and far between. And the between is the hammer of ridiculous plot holes and repetitive exposition created because the creators assume the viewers are morons. This is easily one of the most frustrating entries in the MI franchise. It’s the type of movie that makes you wish the entity would just destroy humanity. So frustrating. Kind of like google which doesn’t allow nonsensical content that carry no actual meaning. I think that’s the best way to sum up this movie.

A complete waste of great actors good direction and wonderful cinematography. The script and dialogue is beyond terrible it’s a wonder anyone would sign up for this. The movie can be summed up like this: the world may end but the tv show friends, like cockroaches, will continue to exist. What an absolute dump of a movie.

The dialogue was ridiculous; like being hit over the head yet nothing is really said. Too much repetition and exposition.