evelyn gray

Life. What is life. Everyday, I wake up, eat, work, sleep. I wake up, eat, work, sleep. Wake up, eat, work, sleep. Wake. Wake. Wake. When was the last time I was alive... when was I actually happy with who I had become? I stare into the mirror. Who was the person looking back at me? I do not know, and I scream. The person in the mirror just stares. Silent and waiting. I... I am... Scared... Why am I... Scared? I am tired. I feel like I am drowning, and I struggle harder and harder to stay above the water. Perhaps I am destined to drown. In my solitude? In my self-hatred? I live in fear that one day, the people who I see in the subway will point and laugh, for they have come to hate me as much as I hate myself. I no longer know myself. Who was the person that I use to be? Did I have a family? A lover? I do not know. I am a collage of personalities that I have stolen to fill that of which I lack. Why do I struggle to live... Well... it's because... G-force. No movie has resonated as much with me before. When I heard Juarez tell Penny she will lose a finger if she puts a bow on her, I felt... joy... I laughed. When was the last time I laughed? I can't remember. When I gaze back into the mirror, I see Juarez staring back at me. I smile, and she smiles back.