Walker Cone

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This game changed my life. The moment I picked up my Game Boy Light and started playing, I realized I was in for the greatest FPS MMORPG of all time. The story was heartbreaking, I shed a tear during the L Piece’s tragic backstory. It really inspired me to do better at life. The gameplay is ahead of its time, featuring fluid, fun, and fabulous gunplay at a breakneck pace, featuring lootboxes, consistently amazing level design, and a nice variety of gameplay, very impressive for a game from 1 BC. Ever since I started playing this game 5 years ago, I haven’t been able to stop. My wife and parents filed restraining orders on me, and I’m currently secretly living in my sister’s attic, but don’t tell anyone that. The FBI already destroyed my NES, and I can’t let them find my Game Boy and SNES, as if they do, I will have no more Tetris 2, no more life. I highly recommend this cinematic masterpiece, as it will, without fail, restore your faith in Christ.

Minions: The Rise of Gru is one of, if not the, movies of all time. The story of acceptance, pain, conquest, love, death, and remorse that this movie delivers to its audience is rivaled by no other. I cried when Windu decapitated Kevin only to realize that Kevin was framed and that Bob was the Sith Lord he’d been looking for. The voice acting and writing are phenomenal, a huge step up from the previous Avengers movie. Everything that the second Minions movie introduces to the MCU fits perfectly and ties together The Batman and Cinderella far better then I ever thought it would. When Gru starts jamming out to the USSR National Anthem while killing the younglings, I felt that. The fight scenes are some of the best I’ve ever seen in an anime, maybe even rivaling Seinfeld. In a similar manner to how Rocky IV ended the Cold War, Minions II retroactively ended the American Revolution, as without this movie’s existence, we wouldn’t live in the communist country now known as the USSA but instead a nightmarish Democracy filled with verbal slander and unequal pay known as the USA. I would even go as far as to say that this movie may be almost as important as the Holy Bible itself, though it unfortunately isn’t anywhere near as good as Morbius. Then again, nothing can possibly be better then getting morbed. One thing of note, however, is that this movie should not be seen by kids. Not only does it have copious doses of the words “f***” and “s***”, but the greatness of the story may not be appreciated enough by inferior brains. In conclusion, Minions: The Rise of Morbius is one of the movies released in the past 100 years. 100/10.