Original Renegade

If I could give this zero stars I would… Anson Mount is more robotic than my vileda robo-hoover and in all honesty I know which one I’d rather listen to. You know it’s going to be a great movie when there’s a mediocre sex scene for ‘context’ of how he snuffs people out in the first two minutes [insert sarcasm here if it’s not your default setting] so this was the first red flag… Next came the truly cringe-inducing narration in the most monotonous tone they could muster. This, added to the truly horrendous writing, chocked full of more plot holes than Britain’s decaying roads, had me baffled as to who on earth would look at this script and think: ‘challenge accepted’ Dixie (Abby Cornish) did nothing but throw herself at the protagonist with such desperation that it started to become a little comical… she also only just let the poor bloke get his coat off before she’s banging down his motel room door. I’m sure, had other studios known she could run as fast a T1000 they’d be banging down her door for a terminator reboot. (You’ll know what I mean if you dare to watch this movie) Then, she throws herself at him some more inside the room, because she’s come to have her wicked way with him of course. The acting is carried out as If they’ve never seen another human of the opposite sex before and lack understanding of how to get the job done. it’s quite honestly uncomfortable to watch… because they have ZERO chemistry. Fairly offended that he’s not picking up what she’s putting down, she pretends to leave. But oh, don’t you just know it; it’s snowing LIGHTLY and she seemingly can’t leave?! So she stays fully clothed in his bed while he nips off to kill some people. The Next scene is devoid of any sort of snow whatsoever so that’s a great consistency right there. He does his thing and screams in the woods a bit like Joe from impractical jokers shouting ‘LARRY!’ Only with the key phrase ‘white river’ which makes no sense to anyone, even himself and seemingly had him rather vexed all the same. He then goes back to the room and she’s now somehow woken up from a long nap spontaneously naked?! The poor woman had Bruce Almighy-ed her way out of her clothes?! Again, another point for the lack of consistency. Anyway I won’t bore you with the rest but, suffice to say; it’s a terrible movie. I’ve aged several years in a mere few hours. Though I suppose, on the plus side it could be a weapon of choice against an enemy one day. It’ll do more damage to their psyche than anything the tories could do…