Brandon Marshall

Have you ever been to Universal Studios? Have you ever been on a Backlot tour that felt unrealistic? This movie is a lot like that. The sets are a lot like that. Moving on. The acting was passable, but barely. I’m guessing this was a “first acting job” for a few people. Other than that, you can’t walk on the ocean floor 7 miles down. Even submersibles have glass windows that are at least 6 inches thick, so to watch everyone parading around in flimsy ocean suits, which allow them to walk, let alone “run,” is a tad bit laughable. When I first looked up this movie a few weeks ago, there were no reviews. I’m guessing it wasn’t screened for critics. Still, this movie has plenty of parts that will make you jump out of your seat, and the ending was worthy of some applause. If you can manage to not take this movie as seriously as I did, you might actually like it. 3 stars

Parasite starts off with clever comedic writing that quickly morphs into edge-of-your-seat, will-they-get-caught storytelling. With a tight grip on everything from acting to visuals, Parasite makes itself believable because the characters aren’t that different from you and I. Without giving anything away, this is definitely one of the top movies of the year. And if subtitles aren’t your thing, you might find yourself a believer after about 30 minutes. Nay, I dare you to look away.

Every scene is unnecessarily long in order to make up for a lack of dialogue, which is supposed to be what makes this film scary. Instead, you’ll find yourself fighting to stay awake for 90 minutes. And if you’re sick, you kinda need to bring some NyQuil with you, as the lack of dialogue means your cough is going to become the audience’s soundtrack. That popcorn you’re eating? Everyone’s going to hear it. Yup, there’s two scenes that will make you jump, but I had difficulty figuring out what to do with the other 88 minutes. Alicia Silverstone is in this movie for about 5 minutes, so that was a disappointment, too. If you end up seeing this movie, quote me when I say “You’ll need to repent for your sins.” At the moment, I can’t think of a greater one than watching the Lodge all the way through.

Following a dismal box office opening, the film’s lead actor, Billy Eichner, says straight people did not show up for the film’s opening, but with $4.8 million in ticket sales, gay people did not show up, either. If you are bored, Google argumentative commentary on why this occurred, but I will just speak for myself. ‘A red movie poster of two guys touching each other’s backside makes it look like the film has something to hide, but nothing could be further from the truth.’ On the contrary, Bros is astoundingly funny, bold, honest, original, and gives the cast ample room to explore what gay dating is like… for many. Fortunately, I never found myself offended by the adult content, as the camera does an excellent job of keeping things ‘moving,’ and the film never ventures too far from its original destination… true love. To be perfectly honest, I enjoyed Bros so much, I went on YouTube to watch cast interviews, etc., and that is where I found the film’s trailer. ‘Where are Debra Messing (Will & Grace), Amanda Bearse (Married… with Children), Harvey Fierstein (Mrs. Doubtfire), Amy Schumer (Inside Amy Schumer), Kenan Thompson (Saturday Night Live), Ben Stiller (Meet the Parents), and others, who catapult Bros into the lexicon of rom-coms that we all know and love,’ I thought. The star wattage in this movie is outrageous. Seriously, you should put it on your must-see list. No? ‘I’m sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have to go to?’