Mr J

I put off watching this for a long time because I kind of knew it was going to be bad, but it wasn't until I tried to watch it that I realised just how bad. I say 'tried' because I only made it just past the halfway mark before I gave up and switched it off out of sheer boredom. The musical element was painful, and they're not even all original songs written for the film. There's musical numbers from here and there that you may have heard before, not even being sung all that brilliantly. I really didn't need to see Joaquin Phoenix singing Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered from the 1940 musical Pal Joey. I think I'm finally fed up of this new concept of taking comic book super-villains and turning them into somewhat ordinary (albeit mentally ill) human beings in their own standalone movies. Stick with them being the eccentric bad guys of a Batman movie, it works far better.

I've just seen the scene that shows you how to over-apologise to someone for mis-gendering them. I don't need that crap in any of my games, ever. Keep it.

Why do they find it so hard nowadays to create a cast that you care about? Remember Hudson, Hicks, Gorman, Spunkmeyer, Drake, Vasquez? Of course you do, even 38 years later. They were awesome, and you rooted for every single one of them to succeed, and you felt the pain if they didn't. I saw Romulus an hour ago and have forgotten them all already. The whole point of an Alien movie is to get the audience rooting for the 'crew' to survive and for the aliens to lose. This time, I was rooting for the aliens to WIN. At least I got to cheer a few times. Don't get me wrong, the movie is spectacular, hence the 3 stars. But the young 20-something cast is a 'no' from me. I have no desire to ever see this again.

I was a big fan of Kathleen Turner back in the day but Serial Mom somehow completely passed me by, so here I am 30 years and 3 months later watching it for the first time and I'm not entirely mad that I waited this long. Going into this movie knowing absolutely nothing about it I was expecting Kathleen's usual damsel-in-distress kind of character, but what you get here is quite the opposite. An unassuming suburban housewife going increasingly off-the-rails on a rampage of murders motivated by little more than the victim irked her somewhat, and that's where this film goes a little bit wrong for me. A school teacher being murdered for nothing more than criticizing a students love of horror films isn't something that you would typically laugh at, and the fact that it's a happy home-maker doing the killing just doesn't make it funny for me. And that theme continues throughout, culminating in a farcical trial that concludes with one of the jurors who found her 'not guilty' becoming her final victim for nothing more than wearing white shoes after labour day (Brit here so I didn't even know that was a thing, so I learnt something new there!). Looking back, if it hadn't opened with the line 'This film is a true story' I might have been better prepped for what is actually a satirical horror film. But I love Kathleen and I'll take what I can get, so 3 stars from me for a blast of 90's nostalgia.

I'm a long-time fan of The Settlers, so after a very long dry spell I was overjoyed when New Allies was finally released. It's good, but it's not great, and left me wondering why they can't make games that are as good as they used to be, albeit with beautiful graphics. The campaign was enjoyable but not terribly challenging, but it's the end-game content that is sadly lacking for me. There are no random maps. I repeat there are NO random maps. Once you have familiarised yourself with the layout of every map in the game (and there aren't that many) every game on that map becomes identical. The hardcore challenges are limited to 3 per week, with one bronze, silver and gold challenge of varying difficulty. But the silver is designed for two players and the gold for four, so if you like flying solo like me then you will find them terribly difficult, perhaps impossible in the case of the gold challenge. You see, the opponent has four teams that play together as one, so it's four against you, and that's not easy, especially since they are given starting advantages such as ready-made armies that just march across the map from the beginning and destroy you before you can even build a tower defence. The in-game shop is an embarrassment being full of over-priced cosmetics when they should have focussed on actual content like maps and missions. Over a year since release now and still no DLC. Everything that is wrong with New Allies has been voiced via the appropriate forums but Ubisoft clearly have no interest in addressing them. Aside from one main update to fix a few things it has been a typical case of dump it and run.

I'm 4 episodes in (the half-way mark) and I'm mostly enjoying it. There have been a lot of comparisons to The Traitors, which I'm a huge fan of, so it does help to enjoy those sorts of reality gameshows to begin with. 10 pairs of contestants staying in a luxury hotel are given a case. One case contains £250K cash, one contains the dreaded 'early checkout' card, and the others are empty. Each day the pairs complete a mini challenge to win the opportunity to secretly swap cases with another pair or to simply take a peek inside one. Then a main challenge determines the order in which all pairs may then choose to either swap or stick with their case at the end of the day. The pair going first has to swap regardless. The objective here is to either ditch the early checkout card if you have it, hold on to your case that you know is empty (for now), or swap for the one you think has the money. Whoever has the early checkout card at the end of the swapping session goes home. A quarter of a million pounds is a lot of money (a lot more than it needed to be in my opinion), so you really want someone likeable to win it, but there are at least a few pairs of contestants that you would prefer to see go home with nothing. A young lady in a Mother/Daughter pairing was behaving in such a way that her Mum actually had to give her a gentle reminder that she was being filmed. Over the course of the show friends and enemies emerge, with no-one really knowing who they can or can't trust. In episode 3, it is revealed that whichever pair is holding the cash at the end of each day may now remove £10K from it for keeps, which adds a new incentive to be the one holding the money. There have been a few uncanny coincidences, that may lead you to believe some behind-the-scenes 'fixing' is going on to increase the drama. Whether it is or not, who will ever know? Overall, it's 8 episodes of fun, and I'm happy to watch it until the end.

After 4 days of playing Skull & Bones open Beta I'm sadly disappointed that this has not left me wanting to play more, at least not for full price. The quests follow the standard grindy formula of any other MMO out there - fetch some timber to make this, fetch some iron to make that. You've done it all before. When you've run out of things to make, a job board makes sure you'll never run out of other things to grind for. Unlike MMO's that revolve around the development of your main character, this one revolves around the development of your ships. So apart from a few basic customisation options for your pirate avatar, you are pretty much the same as everyone else in the game and it's your ships that set you apart. The core gameplay is merely a canon simulator. Sail around in your pirate ship that handles like a speedboat, firing your canon at any enemy ship that stands in your way. Running out of health? Don't worry, use a repair kit and your ship is as good as new in a second. Running out of stamina? Don't worry, eat some food and you'll be sailing at full steam in no time. Can't be bothered to sail? Don't worry, you can quick travel to previously discovered docks for a few silver coins. I really needed this game to deliver something brand new, but what has been touted as a AAAA game by the publisher is nothing more than a generic MMO in pretty new clothing. I'd buy it for a budget price to dip in and out of for 20 minutes here and there but I couldn't play this for hours on end, it's far too boring for that.

I went to see Wonka not even realising that it was a musical, which wouldn't have been a problem for me if the musical numbers were catchy and memorable, but sadly they were dull and forgettable. Huge chunks of the movie had me falling asleep due to the slow pace and drawn out dialogue scenes, by the end of which I was just ready for it to end. Judging from the number of comedians in this I think it was supposed to be funny at times, but I didn't laugh even once and my sense of humour definitely wasn't switched off. The story overall was depressing and lacked a feel-good ending. I just don't understand how anyone can enjoy it enough to give it 5 stars??

It's good, but it's not great (5 episodes so far), and I'm not convinced it was entirely fair. As a huge fan of the Squid Games series I was really looking forward to this competition reality show based on it. The concept is the same, 456 players compete in a series of challenges to win $4.56 million, which I personally feel is an exorbitant amount of prize money for a television gameshow that I would have preferred seen won for charity. Exorbitance aside, the competition element is fun and often tense, putting people in situations where they must choose between selfish and selfless options that can have dire consequences for some. But from the start it has been somewhat chaotic, and not in a good way. I totally understand they can't put the spotlight on 456 people for a one hour episode, but about three quarters of them just felt like background extras that had been pre-chosen for early elimination. I have even read reports that they were fitted with dummy microphones with their flights home pre-booked for the same day. Imagine travelling half way around the world for a single game of 'red light green light' and then you're on your way back because you never had a chance. The unfairness continues with one of the 'main' characters being allowed extra time to make sure she finishes the first round, and another resurrected from the dead (revealed in an interview after filming). Later, some are allowed the opportunity to immediately eliminate others without reason, once again sending them home without a fair chance. This really did have the potential to be a great show, but the unfairness doesn't sit comfortably with me and by the time we get to the end I doubt I'll feel that the win was deserved.

OK so I'm the sort of person who, if a film is banned, instantly wants to see it, if only to see what all the fuss was about. I actually put off watching this one for a very long time, as I knew what it was about and I didn't really care for it. The time finally came to lay my curiosity to rest and I can honestly say I really wish I hadn't. The film masquerades as a stark warning to the dangers of online grooming, but what it presents is nothing more than a sick, under-age, kidnap and abuse fantasy that leaves you thinking 'why the hell did I just watch that' (at least those of use who are not morally bankrupt). To present something like this as 'entertainment' you would at least need to have a sense of deserving for the victims and justice for their families, but our perpetrator of the story remains completely anonymous throughout and essentially gets away with it. To simply say 'that's what happens in real life' doesn't really justify it. If I want real life I'll watch the news. There is no suspense because our naive young captives are never given a single opportunity of escape, and there is no motive beyond the sick and twisted perversion of a faceless monster. If I could go back in time and not watch this movie I would, not because I prefer to stick my head in the sand rather than face the harsh reality of online predators, but because I take no enjoyment from watching it.