Charlie Allen

Went to see Eternals in the cinema yesterday, having not read any of the reviews to date so I was excited to see Marvel Studio’s next new chapter. All I can say is that this is easily not just the worst movie in the Marvel series but quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen. There aren’t many movies that can make me squirm in my seat after only one hour (and it’s 2 and half hours long) - wishing the time to disappear so that the film and torture is finally over. This film is THAT bad. The plot is so flimsy it resembled a wet paper bag and none of the actors really appear to be that keen to be there - except for maybe the Indian videographer who provides the only decent laughs. My biggest question is - what on earth were Kevin Feige and Louis D’Esposito thinking by letting this utter garbage even be released???! It’s like they didn’t even watch this film - they just assumed it was ok and didn’t bother approving it. They’re in serious danger now of undoing all their amazing, brilliant work with the incredible marvel movies they have made to date since Captain America The First Avenger through to End Game. I mean, if you have also seen Shang Chi and the Ten Rings, that also smacked of mediocrity - the writing, x as screenplay and characters were just lazy. But Shang Chi certainly wasn’t as bad as Eternals. I don’t really care if it was directed by the Oscar-winning director of Nomadland - this was terrible. The jumping back and forth in massive timelines throughout the movie was useless too - this loses your momentum in the flow of the film. Did they not teach this to the writers in film school?? Amateur hour. Just to finish - it feels like Marvel are actually turning into the Hollywood bubblegum rubbish that came before them and what they tried and succeeded so well in not being. That cool, sexy and exclusive element of marvel production that they delivered time after time seems to have completely deserted them. And that really does disappoint me. The only franchise that can save them is Chris Hemsworth’s Thor - who, since Ragnarok has just been the very best that marvel has to offer. But that’s still a year away from release, and in between time, we have to put up with mediocrity of Hawkeye - which, no disrespect to Renner, I just don’t think the character colour or the gravitas to carry marvel out of the flames. All we can pray for is that there is no Eternals 2 in the pipeline and that we never have to see the likes of Icarus - the Superman and Home Lander character rip off - ever again. Well he did fly into the sun committing suicide (not very Disney!) - but maybe that was because he was so utterly sick of this movie like the rest of us. P.S And if you think that the completely unconvincing and vanilla Harry Styles as Thanos’ brother in the final credits scene with his drunken CGI dwarf pal (who couldn’t do a worse job of acting drunk if he tried) is NOT stomach churning and cringeworthy then you need help. Again, Kevin Feige - what were you thinking mate?????! Peace.