Beans Supreme

Going into this expecting it to qualify as 'horror' was my second mistake, my first mistake was going into this at all. As far as horror goes, I found the muppets to be a scarier film. The most tense part of this movie was the audience of like 7 people collectively waiting for the lights to turn on, and the film to be over. This movie had the bones of something great, but was reconstructed by a 1850s paleontologist who took a shot every time they started a new plot point until they blacked out, and woke up hungover with this movie sitting next to them. The end of this trainwreck was a mix of meaningless slaughter of characters who had minimal screentime, and weird voodoo magic that's not built up to at all. To call this film half baked, would be a lie, as it appears to have been left in the freezer for a week and microwaved just long enough to become dry and flavorless. I've been more entertained by watching geese shit in my yard, and more thrilled by phone calls about my car's extended warranty.