Brian Buda

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Maximus Ridiculous. In the first battle scene battle, Roman galleys row right up to the city walls, but after the battle is won, we see a beach between the city walls and the ships. During the battle, the ships are pummeled by the city's trebuchet, a weapon not seen for centuries to come, except in 4th Century China where it was invented and called xuan feng (the whirlwind.) This was reminiscent of Scott's use of World War 2 Higgins Boats landing craft in "Robin Hood." In the midst of the battle within the city walls, Lucius, son of Maximus, sees his wife bedecked in full battle kit, killed by an arrow to the chest. Distracted from the violence, Lucius is struck over the head, falls from the city wall into the sea near his wife's body, and disappears under the surface. Later, while bodies are being collected, Lucius resurfaces after what might have been hours underwater. Despite having lost consciousness and been underwater, Lucius quickly regains his senses to retrieve his wife's body. Unbelievable. Then some stuff happens, and Lucius is in another naval battle in Rome's Colosseum. The galleys ram each other, men fall into the water and are eaten by sharks. Someone says, "You're gonna need a bigger boat!" Maybe that part was my imagination. More stuff happens, Denzel kissed a man, two actually, despite Scott's denial in the press. One of the kissees could have been Malcolm McDowell's doppelganger from Kubrck's "A Clockwork Orange." I say Denzel because none of the new characters were developed enough to have their names remembered. Possibly the most developed character was the woman sitting in the third row of the Colleseum who didn't do anything but sit there. Inexplicably, even more stuff happens, or maybe I lost track of the plotline and more people die, are killed, or murdered. Eventually, two great armies meet on a great battlefield separated by a small river where, oddly, nothing happens. Denzel and Lucius conduct a mediocre sword fight, Denzel (spoiler alert) suffers a severed hand and dies in the river. Lucius delivers a speech and everyone goes home. The End. PS - When did ancient Romans start speaking with New York accents rather than RP English accents? Quite jarring to the ear.