nat t-d

There are so many mixed reviews for this film that it took me 5 years to finally be convinced enough to watch it. The tipping point was when I found out the psychotherapist Esther Perel had a part to play in this film - I'm such a fan of hers that I felt convinced to watch it knowing that she committed herself to it. I must say I personally loved this film. As a person in her mid-20s it is one of the few productions I've seen that really tries to capture modern love (tinged by technology, dating apps, the exhortation of personal autonomy and yes, *newness*) in all its contradictions and complexities. Linklater's Before Trilogy has been my favourite portrayal of real love and romance, and while Newness may not depict a relationship as "typical" as Jesse and Celine's, I think it nevertheless succeeds in illuminating a similar message - that is, a relationship can only sustain (and maybe excel) through making the conscious decision to choose and commit to one's partner; to put in a self-motivated effort and the sheer everyday will that it takes to keep a valued relationship going. There is one part in the film where the protagonist laments on his failing relationship and exclaims, "I don't know man, whatever will be will be." And I think this is an attitude that many of us young lovers have harboured, particularly when we feel overwhelmed by the difficulties of managing our relationships and our partners - who, we first believed were so transparent to us but in fact are often still - and always will be - so much of a mystery (this is Perel's contention too). And yet, as his friend immediately retorts: "no man, see, for love to work and for happiness to work, you have to actually pursue it." This for me is the biggest lesson I have learnt - and am still learning - within my own relationship today. Every day is a choice; our relationships only work to the extent that we will them to work. And whether or not that takes the form of experimenting with open relationships (which is what I assume sets reviewers and audiences apart in their appreciation of this film), ultimately the story is just about choice, and whether or not one believes we have the power to choose our own relationships, our own fates and our own futures. That's what I took from this film anyway. We'll all have different opinions, but I guess I just feel compelled to make sure potential viewers like me, who, may be ambivalent and yet share some of the ideas or values that I believe in, will be generously rewarded if and when they do choose to watch this.