Lian Ching Yap

I have mixed feelings regarding this book. The book itself is useful in terms of giving insights to the three types of attachment styles. What I don't like about the book is how things are written like they are set in stone. It is as though if you have an insecure attachment style, your only hope is to find someone secure to be your partner to have a happy relationship. The book does not addressed the underlying issue why a person has an insecure attachment style such as childhood trauma or previous abusive relationships but instead painted a rather bleak picture of the person's relationship pattern. The book does offer some tips on effective communication which can be useful to resolve discrepancy in attachment styles but I feel the most important thing is to find out why a person behaves the way they do and to nip the problem in the bud. Another issue I find bothersome is how the book assumes that people with secure attachment style usually gets away relationship problems due to their better ability in conflict resolution. I believe there is more dynamic in relationship pattern and depending on the partner you are dealing with, they can either bring out the best or the worst in you regardless of whether you are secure or not.