Walter Olson

I originally started writing this review yesterday, but I quickly found that the words didn't come to me as I had hoped. I would write a sentence, review it, and shake my head knowing that it didn't accurately represent my thoughts and feelings, as I was deeply moved by this show within the first 2 minutes. I finally gave up and laid my head down, pondering exactly how to translate my emotions to words. As I dreamed, I traversed space and time searching high and low for answers in regards to reviewing this show. Sadly, nothing came to me. This show had me speechless, which in turn had me further speechless as I am known by myself and others as over talkative and brimmed with unnecessary conversation.This review is an attempt to make sense of not just this godforsaken abomination of a show, but of reality itself, and the entropy and chaos that led to the creation of Buzzfeed: Unsolved Mysteries A.K.A. the Antichrist itself. Yes, the Antichrist itself. The cautionary tales told in the bible were not speaking of flesh and blood, but instead of an amalgamation so wretched and repulsive that even God himself bowed his head in silence as this show was conceived. For sake of time and my own mental health, I will only speak about one of the many horrors in this show, and it's not a spooky ghoul, or a howling ghost, but the hosts themselves and their perplexing attempts at comedy or lack thereof. The hosts are so blissfully unaware of how unfunny they are, that it hurts. It hurts me so deeply, with a stinging pain not dissimilar to a knife being stabbed in my gut, only to be twisted around and pulled out. It physically pains me in my l4-l5 spinal segment, and my sciatica flairs as I watch them "joke" around. I can't imagine how I would handle being either of their parents, but I speculate it would include trying my hardest to crush either of their dreams of any attempts at humor, at an early age. I mean just how many people have fake laughed at their jokes to get them both to where they are today? I'm genuinely curious as to how many people fake-chortled to show politeness, only to affirm the hosts suspicion that they are both, truly comedic geniuses. These people, attempting to be polite, are now considered to be guilty as accomplices to crimes against humanity. The amount of bile crawling up my sarcophagus as I try desperately to unlock the repressed memory of the show, is testimony to the obvious PTSD I have undergone whilst being indoctrinated by this abomination. I am looking into my legal options in regards to the emotional trauma I have sustained. Along with this, I am praying to God everyday from here on out, as I believe that if something so demonic and wicked is really to be true, then God and heaven must be alive as well. I implore anybody who even so much as considers watching this show, to turn the other way, run to the closest church, and pray until your knees bleed and your voice crackles out. This is not a show for the faint of heart, this is not a show for mortals, but to be fair, this is not a show at all. Buzzfeed: Unsolved Mysteries is an omen that the apocalypse is near, and anybody who enjoys it will not be saved by the rapture, but instead feel the wrath of the Devil himself.