Roger Tuan

How can any movie be this bad? At the start of the movie, some bad guys died. They were the lucky ones. Five minutes in, all the pixels on my screen wanted to die too. "Shut me down, please! Don't make me show this!" It was the first time I ever thumbed something down on Netflix. I wish I had more than two to give it extra thumbs down. This movie combines the acting ability of department store mannequins with fight scenes choreographed by drunken gorillas. It's not even watchable in a "so bad it's good" sense. More like "Help, it's so bad I gouged my eyes out, but now I can't find the remote to turn off the sound!" It's an election year. Write your representatives and ask them to ban this movie. For the good of humanity.

Really not great. Dull writing with juvenile characters doing stupid things. I don't remember the games being this, well, dumb. Forced myself to watch 2.5 episodes to see if it gets better, but it just kept getting cringier.

After watching this movie, I now know even less about Napoleon. Couldn't tell if the real person was this boring or the actor was just horribly miscast. Most historical movies are dramaticized for cinematic effect. This one seems to have been purposefully dulled, with each minute more dreary than the last. As an audience member, I only wish I too had died in that first battle scene. Josephine gave a terrific performance. The costumes were fine and some shots were pretty. But the bulk of the movie was just one pointless death after another, with commoners falling by the thousands while aristocrats sipped tea. I suppose that, at least, was historical.

Grindy, generic pirate arcade game. You captain a slow ship around islands and shoot down other boats with your cannons, collect their randomly generated crafting materials, use that to slowly upgrade your ship parts, and repeat. Played for 2 or 3 hours but it got pretty repetitive and boring by then. It's just a lot of sailing back and forth, button mashing, and collecting resources. No real skill or tactics involved, no real challenge, just a long grind.

Even worse than watching Trump talk. 5 minutes in, the bad guy was still barely halfway through his monologue. 10 minutes in, he murders an innocent family for no reason. 15 minutes in, you realize the dead were the lucky ones. 20 minutes in, you start hoping all the good guys would die too. 25 minutes in, you now have PTSD. 30 minutes in, with my one ungouged eye, I am writing this review as a warning to humanity. Good luck and godspeed.

Really dumb characters. I wish they'd all be eaten. Never wanted to see the main characters perish so much. It's a zombie movie where you can't help but root for the zombies.

Well acted religious propaganda with no twist and no real thrill. The first ten or twenty minutes were great, and then once they reveal what is happening, the rest of the movie is a tedious trudge leading up to nothing at all. For all its talk about trying to save humanity, sitting through the movie made me pray for the end of days.

Really slow paced. Act one was terrific. Then the middle and end of the movie... what the hell happened?

What is going on in this series? It's so torturously slow and boring. Like a solemn meditation on the inevitable fate of every successful franchise. I kept fast-forwarding trying to find the good parts. I don't think there are good parts.