Despoina “Despina” Tsaliki

i don’t think i have ever finished a movie eager to write a review before this. to start being completely honest, i couldn’t even finish it. contemplating whether the actors were randomly picked from the streets of a suburban town in colorado or carefully selected from the top selling mcdonald’s locations in the west coast. i was pleasantly lead on in the first 15 minutes of the movie- hopeful that due to its recent release the resolution will be greater- paired with a similarly interesting script. oh boy. the (obviously limited) budget was not spent on the cgi- maybe it was used to purchase one of the thousand costumes the main lead had to wear for that useless montage. speaking of costumes, the creeper apparently has been replaced by a malnourished 5’4” looking creature that has the same scary effect as a frat guy asking “where my hug at”. additionally, the only scary thing that he did was eat a bunch of worms in the beginning of the movie, which coincidentally is what id rather be doing on this thursday evening. the vastly inaccurate portrayal of youth in the modern times was actually laughable and i enjoyed it- my favorite moments were killing a gay dude in the first 20 mins and the addition of a blonde bimbo to threaten a failing toxic relationship with some dumb flirting. ACTUAL scary moments: potential pregnancy and rednecks. i want to make a joke about the white crow and how it looked like it came out of a 90s video game but i think it’s existence in the movie is funny enough. overall, please watch this because it’ll make you grateful to exist in a world where you won’t ever have to participate in a project like this.