Lauren Balsom

I haven’t disliked anything this much since Love Actually, and you know what I think I’d give Love Actually a good go before I watched this again! I’m not interested in realism or thinking about how it compares to other Viking movies, I’m not offended by the satanic elements or the wholly unnecessary levels of violence which are on display nonstop. But what I do want is a proper story with something original (not Saw meets Lion King), characters to invest in and who develop, and dialogue that is understandable and not laughable. I think all I heard Alexander Skaarsgard say was ‘Honor… Fate… Vengeance… Hate’ - even Hamlet, who I presume this is based on - a character written in the 16th Century - had more complexity, compassion, realness to him than this modern day dumbed down monster. This movie seemed to want you to feel uncomfortable at every turn - the constant threat of rape and violence felt overkill, as you might imagine, and there was almost zero levity (though I did laugh at the description of the Christian god as a ‘corpse nailed to a tree’) It was overly long by some way. It’s only getting 2 stars because the scenery was beautiful, Anya Taylor-Joy did an okay job and, though it took a while, it did eventually finish which is something to be grateful for. Phew. Glad I got that out!