Anthony White

If you're trying to binge some scary movies around Halloween, there are so many better options. A lot of people seem to have fond memories of this film, but even as far as "campy 80s horror you can make fun of with friends", this is pretty unenjoyable. It's full of god-awful plot development that seems to tumble into a "horror satire" dismount when it runs into a corner. As a character and an actor, the protagonist is deeply unlikeable. Roger Cobb is a successful author, haunted by the prospects of his follow up novel, his Vietnam flashbacks, the disappearance of his son, the divorce of his wife. And get this! EVERYONE in his life is an idiot caricature pain in the ass! The people at his aunt's funeral, the people at his book signing, his real estate agent trying to sell his aunt's house, his dead aunt's neighbors, the police, his Vietnam flashbacks buddies. He's just a put-upon little bitch the whole movie. Around 30 minutes in, George Wendt intervenes in a very Norm-like role to try to save the movie. Apart from that, every character sucks. Roger's bitch aunt's house is haunted by demons. All you need to know. Early into the movie, you may develope theories... Did Roger's PTSD cause him to snap in isolation? Did he kill his son in some kind of fugue state? Are the hauntings real? Imagine the most disappointing answers to all these questions. If you're intrigued on how bad a writing staff can shit the bed from here, finish the movie. At one point, some random neighbor drops by to force him to babysit a 3 year old boy. Does he reconnect with his sorely unfulfilled paternal instincts? No, he jokes about giving the kid a plastic bag to play with. Then the house tries to kill the boy. Wacky hijinks ensue, but he survives the trial to return the child to the total stranger parent. When his son appears beyond the grave though, the audience needs to get super serious about saving him. This movie sucks. Its not campy 80s fun like Repo Man or a mind bending horror effect showcase like Nightmare on Elm Street 3. It's like a bizzaro love child between the two. It's a yuppie bitch fest full of jokes that don't land, bland cultural commentary, and lame puppet effects.

Fundamentally, this is everything you could ask for in a fighting game, specifically a Tekken game. Graphics are great, cutscenes are classically over the top. Hype, pulsating, and dopey music during menus to give you that arcade feel. The best and worst feature is "Special Style", which lets you use a fighter's best moves and combos with ONE BUTTON. If you're an experienced player looking to have fun with your kids or younger relatives, this is fantastic. The reason this game sucks is because "special style" is also permanently enabled on online ranked matches. Tekken is a series known for a somewhat high learning curve and competitive fan base. You don't see arcade cabinets around anymore, so online play is your only option. The online play, while VERY reliable and bug-free, is cheapened by people exploiting this one button approach. Despite this being an ongoing criticism of the game, "special style" is still enabled during competitive online play. The counterpoint to this criticism, of course, is "Lol GeT GuD huehue". But you can't play as or practice against certain classic, essential characters unless you buy them via DLC. It's a killer sequel. If you grew up playing Tekken you will have a blast introducing others to it on your couch. But the big time EA/Ubisoft vibes ruin a potentially incredible online presence. You have to weigh out if your main is worth extra $ beyond the initial $70. You have to weigh if the payoff of practicing that killer combo sequence for hours means anything if you can never use it against a scrub online who is literally hitting a single button over and over. To put it in terms of Tekken lore, Mishima Zaibatsu has never been more profitable, and the IRON FIST kinda sucks because of it.