Jihan Ali

Dinosaur rights activists were not consulted and it shows. this movie is two hours of humans making the worst decisions possible while being eaten by giant lizards who honestly seem justified. every scientist here has the moral compass of a wet napkin. dialogue sounds like it was written by someone who’s never spoken to another human but has argued with a velociraptor on Twitter. the dinos have better emotional arcs than the leads. there’s a scene where someone tries to reason with a T-Rex like it’s a divorce mediator. also the CGI budget was 90% on teeth. nature is healing. by killing us. thank you, Jurassic Park franchise, for teaching us nothing.

Dinosaur rights activists were not consulted and it shows. this movie is two hours of humans making the worst decisions possible while being eaten by giant lizards who honestly seem justified. every scientist here has the moral compass of a wet napkin. dialogue sounds like it was written by someone who’s never spoken to another human but has argued with a velociraptor on Twitter. the dinos have better emotional arcs than the leads. there’s a scene where someone tries to reason with a T-Rex like it’s a divorce mediator. also the CGI budget was 90% on teeth. nature is healing. by killing us. thank you, Jurassic Park franchise, for teaching us nothing.

Everyone here is hot, dumb, and lying love island is 12 influencers performing GCSE-level betrayal in swimwear. they say “i’m here for love” with the sincerity of a hostage reading ransom notes. the men have the emotional depth of a July puddle. everyone sounds like they’ve been kidnapped by ITV and forced to scream “i’ve got a text” as a distress signal. the villa looks like a nightclub bathroom that charges entry. i respect it. i fear it. i will watch every single episode. thank you, England.