Eli Moore

Final Fantasy VII Remake is a game that I have had high hopes for since it was first announced. FFVII is my favorite game of all time. The epic story, soundtrack, and combat system were at the time perfect and still holds up today. When a remake was announced on the next-gen PS4, I was hyped. Us Final Fantasy fans were left to wait for the next five years until its release. I got it and played through it in a matter of a couple of days. The game astounded me with its amazing visuals, soundtrack, and reworking of a classic narrative. But it's flawed. The game may be visually stunning, but content can be lacking at times. The game only covers the Midgar arc of the story, which only takes up the first five hours or so of the game. A lot of fluff sidequests are added that are boring at times. The game also can be difficult to enter for newcomers, as a majority of plotpoints require the player to have knowledge of the plot of Final Fantasy VII. Aside from that, I can't complain much. FF7R is a stunning, entertaining, and heart-pounding adventure that continues the legend of the original game while providing fresh mechanics. If you're a veteran of the series, play it if you haven't already. If you aren't a previous fan, read the Wikipedia summary for the original game's plot and give it a try. Or just play the original game. Either way, you're having fun.

Watching this movie was like a seizure as a result of a lobotomy. D’Souza cannot make quality films. He can make far-right propaganda, but not anything that the human brain can withstand in large doses. The ignoring of basic facts, revision of undeniable history, and a comparison of America’s worst President to its best leaves the average viewer in a state of catatonia later resulting in having the life support plugged.

This is a masterpiece of the silver screen. No, seriously. When I sit down and watch this cinematic epic for the one morbillionth time, I feel a sense of euphoria unlike anything I’ve ever felt. When Jared Leto utters that iconic and irreplaceable line of “It’s morbin’ time,” I feel like Christ himself will emerge from the clouds, rip my soul out of my body, and lift me to the highest heights of Morbin’ Heaven. By now, I have watched this movie 457 times in theaters. I have emptied my college fund to buy tickets, body pillows of Dr. Michael Morbius, sex toys of the Morbin’ cock, and locks of Jared Leto’s hair. Speaking of which, Jared Leto’s performance in this film is spectacular. When Patrick Bateman shows up during the post credits scene and brutalizes Morbius with an axe, I feel a deep emotional sorrow that can only be repaired by watching Morbius a morbillionth time. This movie must be preserved for all time; it deserves every Oscar, Golden Globe, and BAFTA to ever be produced. When my parents ask me for my career aspirations, I tell them “I want to be a Morbhead.” It is my dream to be baptized in Jared Leto’s semen. Morbius/10. A brilliant, epic, gripping film.