Jake Kamahele

Wow, Before I start, all the 5 star reviews are fake or they’re bots, I read some of them. Pooh doesn’t talk the whole movie until the end. And he says two words. Which are “you left.” First off, Christopher robin screams and cries on the floor for the first few minutes only to get captured and then becomes irrelevant for the rest of the movie. The only smart character is Christopher’s wife who then dies at the beginning thanks to Christopher. Even after reports of missing people in the woods 5 friends decide to stay in a cabin in the woods. A 6th friend would’ve joined them, but instead of listening to her satellite gps, she decides to walk through the woods, to find a location she’s never been to. Gets seen by Pooh, decides to run(not very far or very well) dies. There’s a gun in this movie that isn’t used for anything except to shoot the air. 4 guys find the two remaining girls alive and try to fight pooh who then slap boxes them to death. There’s about 5 minutes to dialogue before they actually decided to attack Pooh. And it’s pretty weak intimidation dialogue from one of the four guys. Not sure why they wasted time to have this guy talk, but they did it anyway. The two girls were sitting in the truck and instead of just driving away, waiting till all 4 guys died in front of them before turning on the car to try and escape One of the girls is speeding away from Pooh in the car and wrecks the car into nothing, but somehow has her face blooded up and a broken leg. Christopher who survives the first scene is in another car that he got out of thin air and manages to find the only remaining girl alive and slams his car into Pooh pinning him in between both cars. Probably 2 whole minutes go by before Christopher decides to get out of the car to check on the girl that wrecked the car into this air. As they’re trying to hobble away, Pooh wakes up, walks after them and grabs the girl. Christopher is then laying on the floor crying and begging the same way he was in the beginning of the movie, which I’m not sure why he cries like a toddler. He begs Pooh not to kill her, Pooh slits her throat and she stumbles into Christopher’s arms. For what feels like 2 hours of Christopher crying while holding this girl he’s never met, hugging her as if this girl was the love of his life Pooh just stands and watches. Mind you her throat was slit and she’s talking to him telling him to run. You kind of can’t talk when your lungs are full of blood. He runs 2 feet, turns around just to continue crying while watching Pooh completely overdo it to this “dead” girl. Then finally decides to run. Screen time was 1hr 24 minutes of crying, screaming, and ridiculous amounts of dialogue that may or may not be related to anything in the movie. There’s a revenge scene with one of the surviving girls killing piglet, she’s apparently not afraid about the existence of Pooh because he’s currently chasing two of the other girls. she had more than enough time to somehow drag piglet who is a very large man pig to this pedestal, sit him upright and then tie him up, just to kill him with a sledgehammer. The time between her doing that and Pooh returning to her with a machete is about 10 seconds makes no sense. But of course she so caught up in her revenge dialogue which again is a waste of the viewers time, that she just relaxes after killing piglet and then dying herself.