Zach Pastorelle

Drew Carey killed my family.

While watching this show, I was attacked by Jimmy Fallon and Jack Black. Jack pinned me to my chair by the neck, while Jimmy stole all of my rubies. The question on this particular round was “What conquistador conquered the Aztec Empire?” I murmured “Cortez,” Jack fell back, apalled by my answer. I turned to Jimmy, saying, “Why was the cereal afraid of the man? Because he was a cereal killer.” Jimmy, bursting with laughter, and having no desk to slap, spontaneously combusted. I owe my life to Jeopardy, because if not for it, those crooks would have killed me.

My son through fit. She say she want Steve Harvey. I search on Amazon, no Steve Harvey. I tell him, then, he brake TV. Sorry, no more Family Feud. Sorry, no more TV. Sorry, no more son.

Made my cheese go bad. While I was enjoying the show, the cat I was sitting on puked all over my shredded cheese. Naturally I threw the cheese in the washing machine, put it in the drier, but it tasted terrible. I need a refund. If I don’t get one I at least want Deal or No Deal to pay for the cheese insurance.

This show is what inspired me to blow up a cat. The dog found it a tasty surprise.