John Loftyonthehill

You know when a TV show is for Gen Zs when… All the diversity boxes are ticked. Anybody that doesn’t love it will get brutally downvoted which is particularly amusing coming from a generation that proudly declares itself tolerant and diverse. Not when disagreed with apparently. It’ll get rave reviews from young interns at legacy media and middle class co-eds, who’ll likely still be living with Mum and Dad at 30, on online forums but won’t get anywhere near enough viewing figures to make it beyond season 2. Also, at least one of the fans will put a glowing review in amongst the one star reviews because they desperately want to disrupt the negativity. Not clever, just pitiful. Seriously, this is a run of the mill good vs evil YAF with obligatory gaping plot holes and mostly unrelatable characters with graphics/acting that make it seem like an overlong cutscene from a PS3 game. 13-18 year olds should like it. Possibly some slow maturing 20 somethings also. Unfortunately for the makers they were never going to drag enough of that demographic away from filming themselves throwing cheese at their dog or whatever the latest TikTok craze is to avoid cancellation (the Kamala equation).

It was going ok without ever getting near the emotional level of DA:O and then… THAT MASKED BALL/WYVERN HUNT! Why would you put in some awful Zelda OOT rip off so incongruous that it completely disrupts and confuses the storyline? Oh… of course, to remind us how bad prejudice based on class, gender and race is. Give me a break. What’s coming in DA:4? Reparations to the darkspawn perhaps. A return of demonic artifacts to their rightful owners in The Fade. Spare me. 😞 Never bothered after that but one more note, why have the graphics on both sprites and environments got worse in the sequels since DA:O despite the higher technology? EA, a comment?

So you have to drive around a lot, getting shot at, taking your malaria meds just so you can see straight while shooting off weapons that don’t actually kill anything before they get jammed? BORRRRRRING! Not a patch on Far Cry Classic. Ok, so here’s what went wrong with this turkey. The malaria thing contributes nothing but irritation to an already flawed game. Who the hell has a vast open world game without fast travel?!!! Forty one minutes of one mission was spent driving/boating around. Gun jamming just doesn’t work. It’s basically just a free hit for enemies which you can’t then effectively run away from (malaria remember). Also, why is it just so much easier and less dangerous to just go up to bad guys and hit them with a machete? Even the smallest pistol has recoil like a bazooka making hitting enemies extremely difficult. Not that hitting them seems to do much (see machete above). Just a poor poor game which was overpriced even at a fiver.

This show should be called Mediocrity Bound. Everything about it is college level stuff. The plot: Unimpressive bad CGI effects (think Ang Lee’s Hulk) come and kill people a set time after a floating head tells them they’re going to die and nobody even bothers to take a shot at these psychopathic yetis. The acting: School play-esque particularly the cult members who slice the ham real thick. The effects: Around the level of a PlayStation 1. It has got a so bad it’s good quality to it, especially if you switch the English dubbing on. The ending’s a little twisty but quite far from original. More Quit Game than Squid Game when it comes to KDrama.