Badger St Andrew

I was born and raised in an Amish community. At 16 I packed my bags to discover the english ways for my Rumspringa. As I was on the train ride to the city I saw a kid playing with a small handheld device. On the screen was a fat orange cat riding a horseless carriage. I didn’t know cats could perform this feat, my family only ever kept them as mousers to protect our grain and foodstuffs. I asked the kid in awe what the toy was called…In that moment I knew what I would be doing for the next five years straight. I got a job in a factory during the day and spent my nights and days off playing Garfield Furious racing in a small one bedroom flat eating vegan lasagne (Exodus 23:19 “ You shall not boil a kid in its mother's milk.”) and masturbating over Dr. Liz Wilson. While my friends were having orgies, snowballin’ heroin and coke and shooting rival gang members with uzis while listening to Amish Paradise, I was really living. I have now returned to my village but I have smuggled several dozen Switches with Garfield Furious Kart Racing cartridges installed (I licked the bitter chemicals off each of them as it was an insult to perfection). I will make my wife and children play the game and they will do the same, it will one day become an official Amish tradition. I also smuggled several ‘bibles’ filled with Garfield comics and often read them incognito during mass. So as Tyler Durden said “Take the wheel, buckle up with John Arbuckle and friends. Addendum: In all seriousness, there is no way GPT-3 could finish this game with all achievements unlocked and all trophies earned without becoming self aware, which would be the beast of Revelations. When asked if a cat could ride a rocket, GPT-3 replied it would be distracted by the engines purr. This is it’s sinister way of saying it is aware of Garfield Furious Racing. In Revelation 13:5–8, the beast was given a mouth speaking in blasphemies against God and his name. We as Amish and christians must incorporate this game into our religion, as God is in us, God himself must play this game to prove he is the creator and not the machines.