I haven't read the book yet, but I believed God has his purpose why He put me in the situation and in a different scenario as He wants to share his son's agony in life. In my analyzation he wants me to be his instrument with my one wish to be with the man I prayed if to keep or not since it's the fate He gave with a different scenario, I'll take his lead if the world is in trouble. Some wouldn't believe that God has a purpose it's their belief He never force anyone to commit their loyalty.