Perihelion Studios

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I just had to recount the story to my mom who wanted to know how it went and I’m surprised I was able to keep track of what was going on in this convoluted mess of a movie. It suffers from MAJOR tonal dissonance, struggling to decide whether to be a goofy action comedy or a dramatic spectacle. We bounce from one scene of Thor comedically fighting owl monsters and galavanting about in “another classic Thor adventure” to Natalie Portman’s character going through literal chemotherapy, with emotional whiplash being the only through-line throughout this entire movie. Korg and Valkyrie sing karaoke on their magic Viking boat, Christian Bale’s Gorr tearfully mourns the death of his daughter. New Asgard is a theme-park with a Thanos-themed ice cream shop (which is kind of like making a Hitler themed ice cream shop???), and Jane Foster is dying from STAGE FOUR CANCER. At the end of all this, I will not say I didn’t enjoy this film for its spectacle—it has more than plenty of it—but what was the rub for me is that this film, and the brand of films that Marvel making, seemingly in perpetuity, is that this film will not have any staying power 10, 20, even 30 years down the line. Its shelf life in emotional and thematic resonance is short, and my main sticking point is to ask that, in the future, try to explain this movie to someone who’s never seen any of the MCU; explain it to your child or future grand-child and try to make it make sense. Do you really want to slog through Marvel’s ever growing film catalogue to try and get any catharsis out of ONE of their movies? I don’t think I need to see another one of these for a long time. It’s just not worth it. If you like your theme-park movie, have at it, but any depth desired in character or plot remains surface level.

There are a few tracks I do enjoy, especially their lead single “Alligator,” but I feel they left out that specific “Icelandic” sort of sound and mood. I’m not certain how to describe it, but their past albums had this earthy, wild, northern Feeling in their music, their tonalities and lyrics could echo off of mountains, in the woods, under northern lights. Some of that still lingers in this album, but unfortunately I mostly taste is the common, Americanized Pop influence that everyone else is doing. I would like a return to form with maybe some more of that exploration they wanted to do, maybe expand on their Beneath The Skin stuff. Otherwise this album has me wanting more of what they used to do: individual, unique, iconic. Instead they’re following the rest of the school of fish in a dry, hollow sound.

Every decision made in this film is not only illogical, but also frustratingly annoying when considering all the films leading up to it. It’s haphazard, rushed, and shoved so many nostalgic winks and nods it doesn’t make sense most of the time. None of it makes sense. The entire time, the one question hanging over my head was, “What is the point?” What happens after this? Another copy/paste of the empire and the nostalgic big bad shows up with a million doomsday devices and a ticking clock? Are you kidding me? The only merit I can say is that this film inspires me to write something better than the story it gave. I’m tired of the disappointment. EDIT: Did anyone notice there's like 7 identical reviews supposedly written by 7 different people? Their answers are copy-pasted, something tells me the reviews for the movie are being gassed up by bots to look better.