Anne Brown

This had been promoted in my algorithm for months. During a particularly boring post holiday period I told myself “How bad could any Meryl Streep movie be?” Then I found out. This is a terrible waste of 3 great American actresses. I’ve adored Dianne Wiest since she captured my heart as the luckless but resilient punk in Hannah and Her Sisters 30+ years ago. By the end of the movie she was the only tolerable character. Bergen immediately makes it clear she sees the QE2 as an ideal hunting ground for a rich husband. Dressed unattractively in bizarre western formal wear, no Diana has ever been as poorly equipped to snag her game. She attends every party and cruises every hangout to find a man. Her fringed sequined denim looks crazy in such formal settings. Streep plays an insufferably self-impressed novelist. Every line of hers rings false. It’s painful to watch her condescend to Wiest, Bergen and the lesser characters. The movie’s plot is tiresome, a supposed reunion of 3 college friends after decades apart. Who makes a luxury crossing with people they haven’t contacted in 30+ years? ON A SHIP? They avoid each other for nearly the entire trip. Streep gives her friends mandatory reading. Unfortunately it’s a 200 year old novel written by an obscure Welsh writer. Neither Wiest nor Bergen like or understand the book. It’s a punishment, not enjoyment. Streep’s pretentious speeches and noli me tangere vibe are so off putting it’s difficult to listen to her. If you’ve ever worked in academia, you know and avoid people like her. Acknowledgment must be given to the costumer. Rarely has such a good cast been dressed so inappropriately and badly. Only Streep is spared the cheap, ugly unflattering clothing. Wiest wears dowdy and baggy; Bergen gets western wear weird. Despite her supposed home in Texas, she has not the slightest Texan accent or idiom. Some have trashed the QE2 as a giant prop. I found it a great distraction. Particularly good were shots of the enormous kitchens and chefs at work. There’s no real movement in this. Nothing happens, and you’re glad these aren’t your friends. Or frenemies. By the end I had a headache. I wanted to see Wiest in the hilarious Bullets Over Broadway. Which, in a way, is this movie turned inside out. The stars go to Wiest for her efforts and for the ship.