Johan Siebers

3 hours of plotless, grotesque and perverse violence. Let’s hope the next, gender, race and class inclusive, 007 will see a return, adapted for our time, to the humor, entertainment and humanity of the golden days. Boring and silly. No time to die? We needed three hours to kill off JB, render him into “a story” and drive home the message that we don’t like men like him anymore: white middle class veneer over barbaric violence. Which is fine, of course, but did we really have to sit through countless bullets and murders and Craig in trouser suspenders to get the point? The old JB would not have decided to just die over a little bit of nanovirus. He’d wash it off with a Martini and sail off into the happily ever after with his wife and child: that would have been a fitting, progressive ending. And then the film still idealises women, in a modified way as compared to bikinis and controlled aloofness (a nod to which is the Cuba scene), but there is no real gender equality here either. Freud would have a field day, we’re still lapping up allotropes of mother. The real nanobots. Shaken but not stirred.

This is one of the funniest Dracula films and a Leslie Nielsen high point. It deserves cult status. Dracula as a clown. Unimaginable that it is nowhere avialable online. No one has seen so deep into the tragicomedy of Dracula as Nielsen has and no other Dracula is so dead alive. An epic movie whose obsucrity just shows the Anglophone taboo on eros and thanatos alike. Not a film for liars! "Lucy, I'm British!" "So are these!"