Heidi Anderson

The only thing worse than the Northman is these phony baloney 5 star reviews. I imagine people are getting paid to write them! They may even have their family and friends sitting around to help them come up with ideas to say what a masterpiece this movie is!!! I laughed out loud several things. When the king and the prince were in the cave I was wondering how they committed to acting like wolves without laughing every time. They really looked stupid. I felt embarrassed for them. Then they burped and farted, why? To prove they were men and not dogs? Dogs fart and burp, maybe because they did it on command? After the prince easily gets away while everyone else is getting killed they fast forward too far and there’s no character arch. I was wondering if they hired professional dancers when they grown men were acting like wolfs around the fire. Someone else called it a line dance of wolf men. Then he leads a battle that decimates a town and children get burned alive. This is completely worse than anything his uncle did. Then he easily finds out that the ship that is leaving is going right to his uncle, what luck? What was the point of him saving his younger brother in that game of hockey? Was that his character arc? The ending scene when he is fighting is uncle with the lava all around was like the battle in Star Wars where Obi-Wan Kenobi strikes down Anikin. I love going to the movies and this is the only time I almost left the theater before the movie was over, and I regret that I stayed.