Thea Lewis

One star because I can't give zero. If I didn't know writer/director Alex Garland is a fifty year old man from the UK, I'd think the movie was created by a fifteen year old game developer -a fifteen year old game developer who failed his online Dialogue 101 course. The writing was so trite, I started imagining it appearing a word at a time like typewriter font inside my head, just to amuse myself. I get it, I get it. Dunst' character was dead inside. Her reporter was randy and a real live wire. The aspiring photog was spunky but vulnerable. Tag along reporting vet was the voice of reason. Twice I laughed loudly at lines that weren't even supposed to be funny...which would have been awkward if the other movie patrons, or even my husband sitting next to me could have heard my unladylike snorts over the relentless noise of the thing. Gunfire. Explosions. The thumping blades of helicopters- not just multiple Hueys. Multiple Chinooks. We get it. It's WAR. I think they figured if they cranked up the decibel level, maybe people wouldn't notice the script. If you like senseless jump scares, especially ones that make you feel like YOU are the one being shot in the face, this movie may be for you. I think I have a concussion from my head recoiling against my seat back. Full disclosure- my husband filled me in on the last ten minutes of the movie, because I had to go to the lobby to check whether my eardrums were bleeding. Worrying about going deaf was a blessing if it saved me from another shot of photo journalists idiotically flashing grins at one another while people and national monuments were exploding all around them. I don't care how brave and determined you are. If all that nonsense was going down you'd be straight up crapping your pants. I keep seeing reviews calling the ending a plot twist? Except, there was FORESHADOWING. A plot twist is Bruce Willis realizing he's a ghost, not a main character dying. Main characters die in movies all the time. Just look at Old Yeller.

I never thought I’d be comparing Poor Things to The Barbie Movie. Turns out they’re both visually entrancing films in which a woman is created according to a man’s expectations and goes on to experience adventures while fighting the patriarchy. Poor Things is a beautiful but sometimes tedious effort, with performances that are good, but not revelatory. If I think about it again it will only be because I wonder whether somewhere, college students have turned it into a drinking game where you have to down a shot every time the director shows Emma Stone’s nipples.