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This movie is the cinematic equivalent of beating a dead parrot with a cursed anchor. Dead Men Tell No Tales feels like a cash-grab stitched together with leftover plotlines, bad CGI, and a painfully bored Johnny Depp phoning it in. The magic, mystery, and cleverness of the original are long gone — replaced by lazy writing, cringeworthy dialogue, and characters so forgettable they could vanish from the screen and no one would notice. The villain? Cartoonish. The pacing? Sluggish. The whole thing? A bloated mess that insults the legacy of the first film. If this is what the franchise has become, then dead men aren’t the only ones who should stay silent.

Tom Hardy was completely wasted in this hollow, brain-dead shoot-em-up mess. Havoc has no story, no emotional weight, and no reason to care. Just endless bullets, grunting, and a plot so thin it makes tissue paper look strong. It tries to be gritty and stylish, but ends up looking like a bad student film with a Hollywood budget. If you’re hoping for a gripping crime thriller — forget it. This is 2 hours of noise, slow-motion nonsense, and empty characters. One of the worst films I’ve sat through in years. Avoid. Nothing but a shit gunshow.