I've seen this film so many times that I'm close to admitting an illness in my own brain where I always know what's coming next but I can't help but sympathize with Andrew - his attempt at trying his best to get this life over with, acting all sorts of crazy when he is very well is aware of what he's running from. Anyone looking at life from his point of view would prefer losing all sense than living with the reality of what he's been through. All of it. If the lobotomy works and he loses all senses and primarily his memory, it's not a win win situation but a world where he could live without the mountain full of guilt. And if it doesn't work, he dies an innocent man, if not for the world but for his own peace of mind. There's no alternative to it. Some traumas don't just disappear, they are engraved deep in our brains, affecting everything we've ever known to be real and good. Distinguishing reality from dreams and hallucinations. Living in a made up reality, if one is forced to live, is all one can do. No judgements there. None at all. It's not a failure, it's a coping mechanism. Ridiculous to a certain level of lunacy but it is for the best. Pain of the body holds no power when our brains aren't in sync. Turning a blind eye to our own suffering can be comforting too. If you don't accept it, it never existed in the first place. This film is all kinds of crazy but beautiful at the same time.