A Canadian in London

Largely unwatchable. All the characters are so awful (obnoxious, stupid, and spend most of the movie in fits of hysterical screeching) that after about 20 minutes of it, you're wishing the killer would just show up and finish them all off. After 45 minutes, you're tired of waiting for the plot to happen, and just want to turn the movie off. I know, before some jumps in to tell me that I "don't just get it" that they're supposed to be annoying, as this is the horror version of the cringe comedy of the early 00s. But it's just not enjoyable to watch a bunch of horrible people bicker for 100 minutes. Perhaps the film-makers forgot a golden rule of horror movies - you're supposed to care about at least one of the characters and NOT want them to die, as that's what creates suspense. This fails in that task, and I was just bored and annoyed. Giving 2 points rather than 1 because the production values were quite good.

I'd expected more of this, from it's pedigree. The central performances are both excellent, but the storytelling is weak. It starts off as if it's going to be a bog standard, violent rape revenge tale*, and then changes genre after half an hour to a road movie. There's little nuance or subtlety in the plot, I'm afraid, nor the characterisation: the main villains are over the top in their sadism, perversion and cruelty. Almost every man in the film is depicted as either a rapist, a murderer, or both (which to my mind undermines the reality behind the story - it's so cartoonish that a significant section of the audience will probably just roll their eyes and dismiss it, rather than consider just how brutal the colonial clearances actually were). Meanwhile the heroine goes from avenging angel to weak and hysterical, whenever the plot needs her to (because how else would the audience understand that doing violence changes people!). It feels a bit like the film-makers didn't trust the audience to understand what they were trying to say about the impact of violence on both the perpetrators and the victims, and about the horrors of the past that still ripple into the present, so they just hit us over the head with it. Repeatedly. And then threw in some silly dream sequences just to make it even less subtle. Sometimes, it feels like it's written by a high school student, with its over-earnest heavy footedness. The movie does manage to wrap up decently (I definitely felt the last 20 minutes were the strongest and most mature part of the movie), but it's a bit of a slog at times to get there. *Trigger warning - the opening 15-20 minutes includes a long and brutal scene of gang rape and casual violence, and there will be several similar, shorter scenes later in the film.

I tried watching this but gave up after maybe half an hour. The heroine is just so incredibly dumb, and the writing so reliant on coincidences, it just became a lesson in frustration, rather than suspense. Which is a shame because it had potential, and Halle Berry is a good actor.

Gave up an hour in. The writing is just awful. Normally, I love twisty thrillers, but they need to be smart, and this was just too dumb for words.

I often quite enjoy creature features, so I was willing to give this low-budget Alien clone a shot. It's really low budget - quite a lot of the action takes place off screen, because they clearly don't have budget to show it. It looks like about 30 million of its 33M budget went on the two name stars (Bruce Willis and Thomas Jane) leaving almost nothing left for the production. Despite being featured prominently in the advertising, Thomas Jane is only in the movie about 3 minutes, and Bruce Willis is only a secondary character as well. The amazing thing about the movie is how utterly checked out Willis is. He spends most of his performance with the same blank expression on his face. Shouting threats at his subordinate? Blank. Watching a monster rip his friends apart? Blank. It's actually quite amusing.

Defo an action film rather than a horror, it has a certain kinematic energy, but also includes loads of annoying horror movie clichés: * The hero trying to redeem a family relationship? Check. * Characters who behave like idiots, putting their lives in danger, and plot contrivances that make no sense? Check. * Characters who stand around talking about non-urgent and non-mission stuff while time is running out? Check. * Characters who stand around staring at approaching deadly things, rather than reacting? Check. * An obviously bad guy amongst our heros, and his inevitable betrayal? Check and check. Being a Snyder film, it also includes loads of slow-mo shots, and music choices that are so on the nose they make you cringe (yes, it includes THAT Cranberries song). There are a few nice ideas (although less is done with them than I would have liked) and the effects are broadly fine, so if you just want to turn your brain off and watch a violent action film for two hours, it'll do. But it doesn't really have anything to say.

I don't understand why this show is getting so much love. The characters are often one-dimensional, the acting is risible, and the "social commentary" is about as subtle as a brick in the face. At least squid game made you care about the characters. I can't imagine anyone crying over any of these.

Episode 1: Your opinion on this show will likely depend entirely on your tolerance for old fashioned idiot plots. I won't give any spoilers away, but almost everything that happens only happens because the characters make dumb decisions. It's not badly made, apart from the writing. The set design is well realised, and the young actors mostly do good work. But it's one of those programmes where most of the characters, including our protagonists, are extremely passive. Expect our heros to stand still in horror as death rushes towards them. When they finally turn to run, after about 2 minutes of standing there as other, minor characters get picked off in front of them, expect them to immediately fall over. This is especially true of the female characters. From that perspective, it feels not only very old fashioned storytelling, but also very sexist storytelling, with the little damsels needing the males to rescue them. If you are capable of enjoying that type of storytelling, there's a lot to like here. But if characters too dumb to react do your head in, you'll find this frustrating. I don't think I'll be watching episode 2.

Got frustrated and thought about turning it off 30 minutes before the end, but stuck around in the vain hope they'd do something interesting. More fool me. The paper thin plot mostly involves characters standing around in indecision, not bothering to talk to each other, and occasionally insisting "we have to do X, right now!" and then getting distracted 2 seconds later. They spent remarkably little time actually trying to save themselves or their friends. Then in the last 20 minutes it turns into a torture movie for no reason. Celia Imrie, really slumming it, is good. But otherwise the acting is often of the mouths-open-but-otherwise-expressionless variety. Never have I seen supposedly scared people look so much like they were trying to solve math problems. And add in the occasional fall-down-for-no-reason. Meanwhile obvious plot twist is obvious. You'll see it coming a long way off.

This is essentially a preposterous but highly watchable all-female rift on NBC's Hannibal. The set up is slightly different: a sexy clothes-horse assassin and a rookie MI6 agent who become obsessed with each other during their cat-and-mouse, instead of Hannibal's sexy clothes-horse serial killer and a rookie FBI agent who become obsessed with each other during their cat-and-mouse. The humour is more screwball in Killing Eve, but it's really the same story at it's heart. It's not as smart as Hannibal, nor is it as beautiful to look at, nor as brutally violent. Although all the main actors are excellent in their roles, I don't personally find it very sexy (I don't get much chemistry between the female leads). But it's still the sort of show you can break out the popcorn and binge on.