Martin Roberts

No... No... and No... I want my money back!

This film needs a new title. How about... A Quiet Cat: The Pizza Quest. There's no origin story here. We see 'Day One' in the opening sequence of the last film, which is better than the entirety of this one. This isn't horror, it's Homeward Bound with jump scares to make up for the lack of suspense. It's about a guy who can't stop crying and needs a cat to protect himself. So he stalks Lupita Nyong'o until he can get his hands on her cat. I like cats, but this cat is a terrible actor. If the cat isn't scared then I'm not either. You learn nothing knew about the creatures. Why can they travel through space without breathing, yet drown in water? Do they eat people or not? Can they communicate with each other? They never seem to chase their own kind, despite the noise they make. At no point in this film is it said that the creatures are blind. The characters in this film, including Quiet Cat, must have seen the first two movies to figure that out. The creatures fall from the sky, at the same time, all over the world... so it must be an invasion, rather than a random collision with earth. You don't see any ships or pods, only holes in the ground from where they hit. So how did they hurl themselves through space and head for a planet that they can't see? A Quiet Place is a story better told without Day One (or cats on pizza quests).

Bad Film for Life... I mean Boys. There are more jokes than action. Some of the jokes don't fit the film, and some even ruin it. Martin Lawrence has been relegated from partner to Will Smith's funny sidekick. I should have counted how many times they said, 'Bad Boys for Life', throughout the film, it must have been used to fill the script. There is also a huge product placement scene that will make you cringe. You can't miss the skin tight, bright red, Adidas t-shirt, worn by the big lad out of Vikings (who takes up most of the screen), whilst everyone else is wearing unlabelled dark colours or a police uniform. It took me out of the film and into a commercial. It's not worth a second watch.

I enjoyed the first movie in 2004, but I thought the sequel was a bit PG for Hellboy. The reboot was needed to make it darker. Well done to the studio for having the guts to do it. This is dark fantasy which borders on horror in some scenes and Hellboy brings fun and humour to this world in a way only he can deliver. All I can say for David Harbour is that I forgot it was him when I was watching the film. This is what Suicide Squad could have been and I'm getting bored of the Marvel formula so this is something fresh. They don't hold back on the language, the violence or the gore. They let you know from the beginning it isn't for kids, yet it doesn't take itself too seriously. Keep an eye out for the 2 end credits scenes. Overall... for the budget it's well done. There's a couple of corny jokes and I think there's a brief scene where the visual effects are not quite perfect, but it's hardly worth a one star review because of it. If I was a critic I would give it three stars at it's worst. Some critics have given it 15% or one star. Why? I don't know. Yet, a disaster like Ghost Rider which had three times the budget is given a score of 84%... yeah right. I was almost put off by the negative reviews which I now see are quite extreme and unjust. I hope they make a sequel.

So disappointed. I regret buying the first two films after watching this. Now I can't decide if this film is pointless or if the first two are. There is a magical creature in this film called a 'Qilin'. I knew this in advance so before I went to see it I thought I would check my copy of Fantastic Beasts and read the description of this so called Qilin. It's not in the book. Oh dear... I thought these films were based on the book, 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them', along with some Dumbledore lore from Harry Potter? This creature is made up for the film along with the magic in it. In Harry Potter you learn magic along with the characters and when that magic is used at a later time, you know what it is and what it can do. In this film the magic is confusing because you don't know what it is. The rules of the game are never explained. It's a spectacle for the sake of spectacle. I think this film is 90% green screen. Every scene looks like CGI. Do they even build sets anymore? The Harry Potter films had some fantastic sets (pun not intended). Anyway... The last two films have been building up to a stand off between Credence and Dumbledore, orchestrated by Grindelwald by manipulating Credence. Credence is hardly in this film, he takes a back seat and Grindelwald doesn't seem to care about the plan he made for him because his focus now is on the 'Qilin' they made up for this story. The fight scenes are choppy, too fast to keep up with and are over quickly. It was like watching Taken 2. When Credence shows us his power at the end of the second film, I was expecting a fight scene on par to that of Dumbledore vs Voldemort, but what you get instead is an anticlimax. I won't get started on the characters who serve no function to the story or the Port Key that links you to the Floo Network? As for Grindelwald, I don't care who plays him, but this version of him was boring and he came across like an angry banker. The film is watchable, but it will leave you feeling annoyed at the end.