Tim Cummings

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is history's greatest cinematic masterpiece! The CGI was mindblowingly incredible! It made Avatar look like it was created by tossing an iPhone with its camera on "record" back and forth over a pile of urine-soaked artwork hand drawn by autistic blind children with crayons as fingers. The acting! Oh my goodness... it's difficult to type with these tears welling up in my eyes. From the title sequence, despite just viewing a group of letters, I felt as if I were completely and convincingly immersed in a different universe! I literally left my body and lost control of my bowels, and friends had to resuscitate me afterwards as I was crying and vomiting with joy. The character development, the writing, and the authenticity of the action made movies like Scarface, The Sting, and Good Will Hunting look like they were written, directed, and acted by a group of catastrophically mentally vacuous monkey-human hybrids with encephalopathic gigantism who not only lack the physical coordination to lift a camera, but also can only communicate via monotone 60-dB screeches. After watching this movie greatness, I immediately threw my Blu-Ray copies of Ben Hur, Gone with the Wind, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Yentl into a barrel filled with diesel fuel and lit it on fire. Then, because I realized that nothing in this world would ever be perceived as beautiful and perfect again, I tossed in a puppy, my three kittens, and the neighbor's baby. In summary, I am quite pleased with this film.