Nia A.

Some of your friends will tell you this is a good movie. Listen to me: they are all lying to you, and you should cut them out of your life immediately. You'll see good reviews of this movie, posted by critics on reputable platforms. All of those people are also liars, and they should quite frankly find a different profession. Maybe one where they don't need eyes or ears or brains, because they didn't use any of that when they reviewed this godawful, nonsensical, cringeworthy mess masquerading as a film. It honestly makes you wonder if they were paid to bury whatever shreds of integrity they possess in order to write a positive review of what I can only describe as "The Room, but with some Satanic panic thrown in." If you're looking for an excellent horror movie, go watch Barbarian. If you're looking for an excellent film starring That One Actor In This Movie That Everyone Knows, go watch Pig. Do. Not. Watch. This. Movie. The storytelling isn't creepy or suspenseful, it's lazy. The writing isn't subversive, it's just bad. Every single actor involved in this regrettable waste of money, time and fake blood is either phoning it in, or doing an incredible impression of Zoolander pulling a Blue Steel look. For the ENTIRE movie. I think the costume department might be the only people who actually bothered to do any work. My partner was the one who suggested we watch Longlegs. I'm seriously thinking about leaving him. He's a good man and a kind, loving, supportive partner. But he robbed me of 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back, and I don't know if I'll ever move past it. I will never unsee this movie. But you can still save yourself. Please, go watch something - anything - else.