Shashwat Bahl

Please don't waste your time or money.

Hark! I do declare, a most vexing cinematic experience has befallen yours truly. I speak of "The Archies," a purportedly musical motion picture directed by one Zoya Akhtar. Alack, dear reader, the film is a veritable tapestry of missed opportunities and cinematic blunders. The narrative, thin as a cobweb and predictable as the rising of the sun, follows a band of callow youths as they navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence. Alas, their struggles fail to elicit even a modicum of sympathy, for their characters are mere caricatures, devoid of depth or nuance. The dialogue, penned in a bastardized form of the English language, is a grating assault upon the ears. Characters converse in a manner so saccharine and trite, it would make even the most stoic individual cringe. The music, the supposed saving grace of this cinematic debacle, fares no better. The songs, a mishmash of derivative melodies and puerile lyrics, are devoid of originality or charm. They lack the infectious energy and timeless appeal that one associates with the genre. Furthermore, the film is marred by a disconcerting dearth of originality. It borrows heavily from Western tropes and clichés, offering nothing fresh or insightful. This blatant lack of creativity is a profound disappointment, especially considering the wealth of stories and experiences unique to India. In conclusion, "The Archies" is a film devoid of merit. It is a dull, unimaginative, and frankly, offensive production. I urge you, dear reader, to avoid this cinematic quagmire at all costs. Beware! Lest you subject yourself to its unmitigated mediocrity.