Granulated sugar in a jar

Dark Seed 2: Dawson's Revenge is the pinnacle of horror games. Many have tried but none have succeeded in recapturing this game's glory. You play as rambunctious every man Mike Dawson who must solve the mystery behind his girlfriends mysterious death. Along the way he is besieged by many obstacles such as annoying neighbours, H.R Giger nightmares and impossible to win carnival games. You'll sympathise with Mike as he stubbornly refuses to touch an old box because he might get a spider bite. You'll laugh at his buffoonish bumbling while the people he loves and cares about die. You'll be awed by his amazing critical thinking skills when he discovers the key to the mystery behind an unlocked door in his room he just never bothered to check. It is safe to say that Mike Dawson is the best character ever to appear in any form of media. Go play it if you haven't and if you have, play it again. It's just that good.

The Howling series lives and dies by it's ludicrousness. The Howling IV is disappointingly devoid of such ridiculous entertainment until the last five minutes. Most of the film is a dreary slog of fake-out werewolf sightings and the world's least interesting ghosts. Anyone expecting anything exciting involving lycanthropy will be no doubt bored to tears. Not even the admittedly violent finale will justify a watch. I've never been quite so bored of a film in my life. Don't see it, that's my advice.

Legion of the Dead is a truly baffling piece of cinema. I have seen it thrice and I still struggle to comprehend the film. According to google, this is a horror/comedy and that's a quasi-accurate assessment. There are elements of horror and elements of comedy but they often clash instead of mesh, leaving the whole experience feeling tonally confused. The plot of the film which is ostensibly about two slackers and a waitress fighting an army of demons is unnecessarily muddled by confusing backstories and a contrived progression of events. A prime example of this is the mysterious cowboy. He shows up to rescue the slackers from a serial killer before taking them to the bar where the waitress works and promptly leaving, never to be explained in any capacity as far as I am aware. I did quite enjoy Matthias Hues in his role as the head demon however. Watch it if you think it may be funny or simply if you're morbidly curious. You probably already know if you'll like the film or not.

Dr. Chopper is the beautiful story of a romance between a psychopathic plastic surgeon and his pointless Harley Davidson that's only there to justify the stupid title. Otherwise it's a fairly standard slasher movie affair with a few abnormalities. There are some truly baffling film making decisions made. There are many characters outside of the main college kids whose sole role is to be introduced and then be killed by Dr. Chopper and his squad of demented nurses. The special effects on display are decent on occasion but mostly lacking. The acting is about as good as one could expect from a low-budget slasher from 2005. The whole experience is good for a laugh on occasion if nothing else. If you watch this film as a comedy which I personally did, this a laugh riot. Otherwise I wouldn't recommend it.