Daniel Loibl

unwatchably bad, I feel dumber for having seen it and feel like the movie was actively trying to insult the viewers intelligence with the most heavy handed yet commonly understood moral message: greed = bad, religious hypocrisy = bad, wow thank you St. Agatha for pointing out lessons every adult should know before being allowed to vote in a president, although I guess in the current political climate it's not as common knowledge as it should be. The story was unique but not compelling, the gore was...a lot more than you'd expect from a 'psychological' horror but executed so poorly its visually similar to a power rangers death scene, buckets of blood pouring from obviously prosthetic limbs and various other parts. If you couldn't see the entire plot happening within the first 20 minutes I'd guess this was your first experience with psychological horror. I never thought I would find a nun movie that could make me appreciate James Wan's soulless cash grab 'the Nun' but here we are, this movie is so bad it makes me nostalgic for the objectively worst movie in the conjuring franchise, a franchise that was already close to the bottom. There was not a single redeeming feature, even one of the nuns being strangled with an umbilical cord was played so seriously despite being one of the dumbest movie deaths I've yet seen - no character was likeable, just different levels of dislikeable, from the obnoxious main character (who of course has a horrible back story about abuse, because expending effort to come up with an original idea is difficult) to the zealous and frankly unbelievably pious yet entirely hypocritical evil nuns. Theres a side plot revolving around money and a small faction of nuns not being happy with their cut from a baby auction but really...who cares? That side plot ultimately came to nothing except a nun in a coffin who was let free by inexplicably appearing police, the baby auction was set up but had literally no pay off, the romantic plot line had as much pay off as the one in Alien Vs Predator Requiem (spoilers, he dies after getting 10 minutes of screen time and barely affecting the plot). Do yourself a favour, don't even pirate this film - it's not bad enough to be enjoyable it's just boring bad, which is to me the worst kind of bad, it's the kind of bad I will regret for at least a week - watch "The Hole in the Ground" or "Witch In The Window" instead, both far superior movies with much more emotional weight and actual horror elements not just cheap gore and drum hits played over a staccato (because movies don't trust you to know when to be scared anymore).