Therese Christiansen

Did this film stop me from ironing? Nope. It was bad. One of the reviews above cracked me up. The movie's description of 2 people saving a drowning guy (one of them a medical professional & doing a terrible job of saving him) pretty badly followed by a shoddy take involving Julia Stile's nipples & laundry sex is dead right. I also noticed that the nurse, who admitted the attempted drowning, pronounced a VERY well known drug, Temazepam, wrongly, not to mention saying "10 of 'em in his veins" when the Doctor AND the nurse should know "10 of 'em" won't do a damn thing for a suicide much less knowing what "10 of em" IS in a blood test as they won't exactly be left in his stomach hours later (details like that peeve me of!). So, yup, any reviews noticing how bad the first 20 minutes is, are totally right. It's a silly, confusing film, with no clear direction or photography. Julia Stiles is a good actor, normally, but in this, not so much. The actor playing the drowning man is pretty good but the main lead, the doctor who initially saves the man, is beige & boring. Film can't be saved, no matter how many erect nipples or sex scenes there are. My advice is have a cold beer & find another film on Netflix. Or do the ironing.

As usual I ask did this stop me from doing the ironing on Lockdown? No. I ended up doing the curtains, the rugs, table cloths. You get the picture. Spoilers.....>>>> Blake Lively (yes, gorgeous in a 2 piece, very white teeth.. yada yada) hits on a small, virtually private surfing area & soon battles the elements. Or something..... She's battles a shark who clearly has it in for her. Is this a feminist piece? A grief-movie? A creature feature? Unfortunately it fails at any of those. The dialogue is non-existent unless you include her prattling to the shark & exchanging pleasantries with hot, shortly to be dead, surfer-dudes. My advice is skip it, viewers. Watch a REAL horror movie instead....

This is a vapid, humourless drama filled with cringey humour possibly perfect for millennials. Did it stop me from ironing? Definitely not. I got a whole laundry load of it completed. Anyway, Harris is an actively sexy dude, on the prowl, great job, different girl every night, lots of Tinder & eventually meets a woman who surprises him. Unpleasantly. Unfortunately, it's about art imitating life & there's enough of this toxic nonsense to go around all ready. The dialogue alone is enough to bore you pant-less, so skip it & watch another horror movie instead.

As usual I ask did this stop me from ironing? It did. But not for any good reason. I was wondering, quite seriously, how this ....film...made it to Netflix? Had someone hacked the streaming service? It's THAT terrible. The acting is over-done, the plot has no clear through line; what plot there is, is shadowy & confusing; the dialogue is completely empty & it's all vacant of any emotion as the poorly cast actors are robotic. What Keeps You Alive is self-referential & embarrassing & the direction is spotty - possibly the cast was left to their own devices. So, two married women stay in a holiday lake-house for their wedding anniversary. They have no marital issues. Suddenly, one woman kicks the other off a cliff & what follows is a Rambo-esque attempt to hunt the almost-dead-but-not-quite woman who survived the fall onto the sharp rocks below. For some reason this reminded me of one of the best set-pieces in cinematic history: Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. Which I immediately watched. And then I felt a lot better. Spoiler: the almost-dead, & soon to be dead almost-doctor ensures her killer has injected hydrogen peroxide into "the blood stream" even though it was a subcutaneous injection of what the killer thought was insulin. That's right, viewers, basic medical facts were completely ignored & when that's a major plot point, it's a very silly film indeed.

The Saga matures! This is one of the better films in the Twilight vampire vs werewolves Saga. Did it stop me from ironing? Absolutely. The teen romance is a huge thing as Bella faces life without Edward (and the Cullens) whilst discovering her best friend, Jake, is a werewolf. Naturally he's had a crush on her since she was two but Bella struggles returning those emotions. Once you get past the first few scenes which look more like rock music videos and concentrate on the plot, it's pretty sharp and Kristen Stewart is fantastic. In fact, the younger actors are more grounded in this second film. Pattinson is composed and more sure of himself. He delivers in spades even though he's not the star of the film this time round. Academy award winner, Alexandre Desplat provides a beautiful score: haunting, menacing and tragic. New Moon still delivers on teenage angst and romance but is a far more grown up movie than Twilight as we meet the new baddies - the Volturi. Check out Anna Kendrick who's still fabulous - her monologue on zombies in the second act is hilarious. Go watch it and be prepared to do very little in the way of chores!

As usual, did this Vampire flick stop me from ironing? Not really. It's a teenage, angsty romance-thriller starring Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan who moves to Forks in Washington State where her father's the police chief. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), a teenage vampire, is immediately attracted to Bella and they fall in love - almost dying because of it. Having seen a strong and defiant Buffy in 1997 it's difficult watching an obviously clever "independent woman" falling over a lot and needing protection from, and defence by, others. But Bella's childhood friend, Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is a terrific addition to the film as a Native American from the Quileute Reservation. Edward's Cullens family live a Vogue-style life, seemingly every indulgence (except human blood) satisfied. But they lack individual personalities and nearly every scene contains exposition with characters narrating what they're thinking or about to do. A lot of the plot is vacant until an hour in, when the 'bad' vampires track and target Bella. At last, the action sequences with James (Cam Gigandet) and Victoria (Rachelle Lefevre) add the necessary adrenaline to stop the film from dragging helplessly. There's also great performances from heavy weights Billy Burke (Bella's dad), Gil Birmingham (Jacob's dad) and Anna Kendrick. The direction wouldn't have been easy but there's a mysterious, suspenseful feel about it which is almost addictive in places due to Carter Burwell's gorgeous score. It's a bit of a silly and simple film: Bella Swan, like the film itself, is often reactive but then teenage romance - like any new love - makes fools of us all. It's not completely absorbing but it's a decent start to the Twilight Saga.

As usual I ask, did this film stop from me from ironing? Absolutely. The Firm's a classic thriller to those of us born in the 60s or 70s. Originally written by John Grisham, it stars a baby faced Tom Cruise (Mitch) & former model, Jeanne Tripplehorn (Abby). Mitch is a Harvard- almost-graduated lawyer moving to Memphis to start a career with a small firm. Abby's a teacher, but we quickly find out that whilst "it's not forbidden & you CAN work" The Firm is against any wives actually holding a paying job & no women lawyers are usually employed. Naturally, anything too good to be true, usually is & a game of stealth ensues. Brilliant performances from Gene Hackman & Holly Hunter & the piano score, by Dave Grusin, adds flavour. Gary Busey has a fabulous small role where, for once, he's the good guy. It's a beautifully edited film & nicely thought out, a bit witty, a bit predictable, a bit Hollywood, but pop-corn worthy anyway. It's worth it to see Tom Cruise running: no wonder he became Mr Mission Impossible.

As usual I ask, "Did this make me sit up & watch rather than carry on ironing?" It did. And not just because it's Polish (there's English speaking audio on streaming services). A failed university student, Tomasz, begins work at PR company, a Troll Farm, spreading malicious information via the internet & targets an elite wealthy family with grisly results. Some of the acting by the younger cast is overdone -there's a tacky scene at a rave club which might not sit well with viewers & the film could've benefited from more editing & calmer direction. Still,The Hater draws on the theme of hate-speech & the second part of it is frightening in its realism & connection to a 2019 stabbing of a Polish anti-Far-Right mayor. Considering the rise of pro-nationalist groups across Europe & the upcoming American election, The Hater is a vivid depiction of how vile the internet can be when inciting hatred or fake news & it does it with more nuance than similar films which generally show people staring at phones & tablets for far too long. Those films date quickly, The Hater won't. And it's relevant.

Did this film stop me ironing? Nope. Let me re-phrase. The first 25 minutes I was riveted. The action scenes were constant but they did nothing to advance the plot. This film might hold enough water to engage some under-25s because of Citizen Journalism & some witty lines from two characters played by Jessica Lu and Courtney Eaton who stream "real news" on their channel, 'Media 4 The People'. Aaron Eckhart from Sully & apocalyptic films like Olympus/London Has Fallen, plays Frank Penny, a police officer who tries to find an abductee. It's clear, from the off, that the child who's abducted is the daughter of a police officer who's LEADING the investigation. Naturally after something happens to the prime suspect, Frank's taken off the case, his service weapon confiscated & he's in league with Media 4, live & streaming his every uncool, fuddy-duddy-adult phrase, quickly turned into an internet meme. What's really off-putting, isn't the issue of fake journalism but the fact that everything is turned into a joke whilst a child, within an hour, will drown if non-one finds her. It's a nasty juxtaposition which sits poorly in a world where action films & biting sarcasm are the norm.The dialogue will eventually date but it's loud & clear enough, if interspersed with sirens, chopper blades & panicked shouting, for you to pass a couple of hours (whilst ignoring impossible action scenes involving a Fiat 500) or do plenty of ironing.