Danny Ranger

Shallow musical candy focused nightmare with awkward pointless singing and major “drug turf war” undertones. Wonka is a lone, poor struggling “chocolate” developer targeted by rival dealers after he tries to openly sell to the street in broad daylight. After successfully escaping his washroom prison locked down tight with some debt owed to the owners of the building, he milks a giraffe and naturally returns to his prison. A victim of his own “chocolate,” he sees a small orange native of an extremely remote foreign island who naturally speaks with a formal British accent. In a shock twist, Wonka has secret skills on long distance swimming and returns to shore after nearly getting blown to smitherines by the same antagonists who’d later attempt to drown him in the logical choice of “chocolate.” A sly plan is hatched to steal a damning book owned by the bad guy from an underground vault guarded heavily by “Pastor Bean,” who surprisingly is terrified of slightly hungry and curious giraffes. Oh, there are not only cars but car phones in this movie now. Anyway, Wonka in a sudden turn of not developing at all, wins the day and learns from his mom chocolate is better enjoyed when shared. Then he, with no money or resources, acquires a castle with his orange friend and both dance and spin as it turns into an LSD dream unfolding around them. 3/5 Lollipops.