Drew Stoodley

I don’t even know where to start. Sisu is the kind of film that makes you wonder if you accidentally sat on the remote and ended up watching a Finnish parody of John Wick directed by a 13-year-old with a WWII fetish. The trailer promised gritty revenge. What I got was a gold miner who shrugs off bullet wounds, landmines, hanging, drowning, and even a plane crash… all without a scratch. It’s like someone watched Looney Tunes, added Nazis, then tried to pass it off as "badass cinema." Spoiler: it’s not. Dialogue? Barely any. Plot? As deep as a puddle. Realism? LOL. If I wanted to see a guy magically survive every conceivable death scenario without any tension or stakes, I’d watch a Marvel movie with the sound off. What could’ve been Taken meets Inglourious Basterds ended up being Wile E. Coyote with a knife. Avoid unless you’re drunk, hate logic, or think Rambo: Last Blood was too subtle. A waste of time, attention, and brain cells.

As Good As Dead – How to Launder Drug Money in 90 Minutes I don't know who greenlit As Good As Dead, but I'm convinced it wasn't a studio exec—it was either a cartel accountant or someone trying to get rid of untraceable cash before an audit. This film isn’t just bad. It’s the cinematic equivalent of someone asking ChatGPT to write a martial arts movie after feeding it nothing but Steven Seagal’s later work and expired protein shakes. Michael Jai White, who genuinely deserves better, punches and kicks his way through a plot so thin it could be used as rolling paper. The dialogue sounds like it was written by AI trained exclusively on YouTube comments under street fight videos. Every twist is predictable, every performance is wooden, and the final act feels like they ran out of both budget and interest—possibly on the same day. It’s so bad I found myself checking the runtime more often than checking my bank balance during a cost of living crisis. By the end, I half expected the credits to read: Executive Producer: El Chapo Creative Consultant: Tony Montana In conclusion, As Good As Dead should be studied in film school—not for its technique, but as a case study in how not to make a movie unless your actual goal is to turn coke money into Blu-rays. 0/5. Would rather fight Michael Jai White in real life than watch this again.

Spoiler alert!! Watching Elevation will completely spoil your evening. It was like being trapped in an escape room where the only clue is a blank sheet of paper and the timer resets every time you think something interesting might happen. It’s slow, it’s predictable, and at one point we are meant to assume god makes robot bugs. No, really. That’s the big twist. If you were expecting something deep, profound, or even mildly surprising— congratulations, you’ve been scammed. The music was its own special kind of punishment. Most of the film was filled with generic “chase and be chased” sounds—like someone gave an AI a playlist labeled mild tension and told it to go nuts. But the true highlight? The ending. After almost two hours of nothing, we see three lights in the sky (oOo mysterious), and then—BAM! One second of the worst brass music ever recorded. It came out of nowhere, like a rogue trombone player had been waiting the whole film just to absolutely ruin the moment. Then, as if realising their mistake, the soundtrack immediately panicked and switched back to tense horror music. It was like someone accidentally sat on the orchestra’s keyboard and then tried to play it cool. In the end, the only real tension I felt was checking the runtime and seeing 35 minutes left. I’d have rather spent that time listening to a malfunctioning smoke alarm. Final rating: ⭐☆☆☆☆ (One star, purely for that one second of brass chaos. I respect the audacity.)

I have to admit there were a few moments in this movie that made me chuckle but to me it seemed so forced in every way to cater to every demographic! Gingers, gays, disabled, black, white, adolescents and parents and it became incredibly tiresome. Silly attempts at over the top humour and whilst John Cena played his role brilliantly I ended up with no intention feeling embarrassed for him. It was cast well and despite it's obvious try hard attitude it wasn't awful. It will certainly kill some time but not one for the history books

Would have been 5 stars were it not for Statham trying to do an American accent again but all in all very enjoyable and one I'd watch again.

What a complete and utter waste of time this was...1hr and 48 minutes of nothingness. So many pointless storylines and so many pointless characters. I just watched a movie where about 5 minutes of it was tooth brushing... The other 143 minutes were of the main guy being rude to a child and a gang that were trying to be the babies of Robin Hood and Peter Pan that end up breaking into an apartment to smash a cupboard. It's saying something when the stand out performer was Ian Wright. Absolute joke of a movie and all involved should be ashamed of themselves. One star is flattering and I've done well not to use foul language writing this as my head is still raging.

I wish I'd have read reviews first!!! This movie was abysmal, utterly predictable cheese on toast. I've absolutely no idea how they were able to get the cast they did with a script so poor and I'm shocked this was even allowed to be made! Every scene felt forced and dialogued so childishly. With the exception of Brad Pitts' peculiar involvement I hated every second. The scenes that took place in front of a green screen looked like it's been edited by someone trying for the first time after watching a YouTube tutorial. The characters made no sense, what was the point of the publisher and why would she go after them! Oscar from the office plays a random pilot, a highly embarrassing tribute to Manuel from Faulty Towers... Who just happens to have a goat friend, who happens to somehow feature in the end scene... There's so many errors and bloopers in this movie but here's a few examples.. quick drying clothes, fast growing trees, waterfalls that appear from thin air, holes that get bigger by Magic, Sandra Bullock swimming faster than a marlin, cave escape holes that open in the middle of the sea ahhhhhhh I'm so angry with myself for watching it!! An hour and forty five minutes lost forever! I had planned to write more but there's honestly no point, the movie is dire. Don't bother with it.

Most movies I've been excited to watch in the last year or two have ended up with me on here venting my frustration to no-one just because.. Obviously you sort of know what you're going to get from a M.I movie.. get something, meet someone, run, fight, bond, win take £15 million salary and repeat.. This one although knowing there's a second part to follow felt like I've just sat here for two and a half hours for absolutely nothing. The concept of the baddie was clever but the story very weak not to mention all the blunders that made it to the screen. I love Tom Cruise but he's starting to punch like Liam Neeson now he's getting on a bit and whilst he fights less people it's still too much for an agent in his sixties.. And there was probably a good five whole minutes of the trademark sprints thrown in to the mix too.. The amount of times he finds, catches, loses and chases Grace is extremely tedious as is every action scene as there is always some fundamental flaws to it for example there's noone behind them then there's thirty something police cars and some crazy french girl in a swat truck.. or the carriage scene from the end.. It also seems the Hollywood car chase curse still hasn't been broken yet and that no matter what car you're in you can never lose a police car no matter how fast it is.. this time it was a BMW M5 unable to outrun Alfa 159's. This was exactly what I was expecting so I can't be too upset as I chose to sit through it has passed its sell by date as a movie I think as a mini series the mission impossible would be far more tolerable.. just look at how well one of TC's characters Reacher is performing as a series.

Movie description and that it was directed by the man that brought John Wick and multiple other classics made me instantly want to watch it.. What an absolute pile of garbage! The acting is awful even from JK (who happens to be one of my favourite actors) the lack of any sort of dialogue just exaggerates the farcical efforts of those involved with the funniest patt was the detectives' attempt at looking hurt. There's been so many trashy movies this year it staggers me that they're allowed to get past a pitched script let alone to our screens. Staying true to the song though Silent night can still be used as a lullaby to get you to sleep.