Maddy Davis

OH. OHHHH. This movie made me furious, and not for fun reasons that would or should inspire anyone to see it. For anyone on the fence: this film is too artsy for any audience who could actually benefit from the SEVERELY MANGLED feminism it starts preaching in the second half. It wants to be an edgier version of “Promising Young Woman,” but the characters have zero background nor behavioral context and they spend an HOUR demonstrating how women find strength in exploiting their weakness. No, not “weaknesses,” but weakness, as a species. Ugh. If you were looking for a fun, twisted serial killer flick, skip this one. Two stars for the first half, which was actually interesting and well acted. But if your mind is actually “bent” by this, as the reviews claim it will be… well…. it’s 2024, bub. You may have a better time watching one of the director’s other films, like “Under the Gaydar.”

Boooo bad! I don’t want to spoil the movie, but it spoils itself 15 minutes in. The ending you don’t want is inevitable, and the journey there is tedious and frustrating: you start to build hope because the outcome seems too obvious, but you were right all along. Worse still is how prepared you are to be disappointed, yet the ending still manages to be obnoxiously opaque. It’d be one thing if the ride were fun along the way—it’s not. Don’t ruin a good night on this. Two stars for cinematography, but I’m mad at that department as well for making me believe this movie had potential. I strongly recommend watching “Bad Samaritan” instead.

Terrible way to spend a Wednesday night. My expectations weren’t high—I just wanted to be slightly entertained. Instead, Monstrous bored me to the point of depression. In fact, I think this movie made my arthritis worse. Sucky plot, sucky twist; just a sucky suckfest. The one star, besides being mandatory in order to leave a review, is for the costume department. It’s not their fault this movie blows. Good job guys.

Far and away one of the greatest romcoms I have ever seen. I was surprised and impressed by its poignancy: Jane Austen would be proud. The sexual crudeness I had expected was present, but it was deliberately used as a backdrop providing contrast to the delicate, electric interactions that were had. That’s really the major theme here: Intimacy has a unique meaning for each person and cannot be governed by expectations. Speaking as a hetero white woman, if you’re of sound mind—in other words, not homophobic—I think you’ll find Fire Island to be accessible, enjoyable, and even relatable. It’s also very funny and very hot.

Whoa, these reviewers need to calm down. This was a perfectly entertaining movie. As 1/2 of a contentedly childless couple, I can say that this was a wonderful film for my partner and I to watch after an exhausting day at work; if you have kids, I can’t fathom why it would accomplish less that that. Cringe factor: LOW The only cringe came from watching the young’uns mess with breakable stuff, which is to be expected and more than I can say for most films I’ve seen lately. And the stuff they mess with is fantasy stuff. Not fish tanks or sculpture or thermostats or Cheetos shaped like Elvis or whatever people can’t stand to see touched by the hands of children. Who cares. Laugh factor: MEDIUM We chuckled, smiled, and even occasionally giggled throughout this thing. Holes: MEDIUM-LOW Yeah, there are some holes in the plot. Who cares? If you’re watching a children’s superhero fantasy movie and getting riled up about holes, you need to take a step back. The only real hole that stood out to me was that one of the girls took a sweet Triumph motocycle jacket and was never called out later by its owner. I mean, I would definitely say something if it were my jacket. Something like, “hey, give that back,” maybe. Michael Peña factor: HIGH Michael Peña is a TREASURE. If you don’t like Michael Peña, just go to bed. Anyway, if you asked, “Hey, is there anything new streaming this week that won’t make me feel miserable,” I would 100% recommend this movie. Oh, and for those who feel the need to compare this to Spy Kids: yeah, I also loved that movie when it came out 20 years ago. I was a child. It ruled. Now I am in my thirties and like to watch movies besides Spy Kids. Not all the movies I watch these days have hand men in them. Is it a problem for me? No. If it’s a problem for you, you might not enjoy Secret Headquarters, but I would consider *not* taking the time to write a scathing review for a kids movie you only watched in an effort to rationalize your subscription to Paramount +.

This one’s a medium-nah. The integrity of Antebellum’s important themes is deeply compromised by how poorly the story is organized. The second movement abruptly begins a full 40 minutes in; by the time you move to the final part and finally understand what’s actually going on, it’s almost hard to care. The film crudely wastes influences provided by “Get Out,” “Westworld” and “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Not the worst thing I’ve seen, but I could’ve skipped it.