PETER BENEDICT

I win the prize for spotting the only exchange of dialogue that isn't exposition in two and a half hours of "You have to do this thing" "Why ?" "Because it will make this other thing happen" (cue the things happening -in CGI). I won't spoil the surprise but it's in the scene where Michael Caine gives his take-the-money-and-run cameo. Although there is nothing but plot, you should find it easy to identify the stock characters and allocate appropriate personalities. Beautiful, skinny seven foot tall woman who has accidentally married the world's most evil arms dealer ; World's most evil arms dealer (Branagh as Sergei Meerket) ; Dependable mockney soldier who has mysteriously risen to senior officer, despite an accent that drifts from Bow Bells to Beau Bridges. The CIA hero is without personality so he is brilliantly cast. Don't be put off by the cliches as they pile up or the plot points left hanging in the air like the bus in INCEPTION because apparently none of this has happened...except in the future. So can I have those two and a half hours back, please ?