Title: A Ghastly Spectacle of Cheap Tricks: The Tragic Tale of Asvins
I have recently subjected myself to the gruesome ordeal of enduring the Asvins , a "horror" movie that barely deserves the label. It is indeed horrifying, though not for the reasons the filmmakers probably intended.
The movie is an endless carousel of jump scares, as predictable as they are unimaginative. It's as if the filmmakers bought a job lot of old Halloween pranks and decided to scatter them throughout the film without rhyme or reason. The result is a movie that delivers a jolt every few minutes, sure, but it's more akin to the shock you might feel stepping on a Lego brick barefooted than the exquisite thrill of a well-crafted horror spectacle.
This could all be forgiven if the film was backed by compelling storytelling and character development. Alas, it appears that the notion of character development was as alien to the writers as the concept of originality. The protagonists are cardboard cutouts, with as much depth as a rain puddle in the Sahara. Their motivations are either shallow or non-existent, and their actions seem only to serve the need for another jump scare or to advance the skeletal plot.
Speaking of the plot, it is perhaps the most monstrous aspect of this horror show. The narrative is so threadbare, you could read a book through it. It stumbles from one event to another without any real sense of progression, direction, or logic. The movie's plot isn't so much a tightly woven tapestry as a hastily strung together set of cliches and tired horror tropes. It is a mockery of storytelling that borders on the infantile, a slapdash concoction of nonsensical elements and tired, recycled ideas.
The screenplay itself is no better. The dialogues are woefully pedestrian, filled with stilted exchanges that offer neither insight nor entertainment. They play like a parody of horror, failing to provide the necessary tension or suspense, instead, dragging the narrative further into the abyss of mediocrity.
In conclusion, Asvins is a cataclysmic failure on all fronts. It might have aimed to terrify, but all it manages to achieve is test one's patience and insult the intelligence of anyone unfortunate enough to sit through it. This horror film is as entertaining as a migraine and about as subtle. Spare yourself the torment, there are far better horrors lurking in the depths of your streaming service's archives.