Jordin King

Garfield is a 2004 natural disaster. This movie is a train wreck of bad acting and just overall awfulness. This is the first film in the Garfield Cinematic Universe (GCU) and so it lays out the extent of control Garfield had over his neighborhood and his owner Jon. Throughout the beginning of the movie we see how Garfield rules Jons life, forcing Jon to work his hardest to please Garfield. A little later in the movie we meet Liz. Liz and Jon are the worst parts of this movie, worse than any of Garfields jokes in the movie. Liz and Jon do nothing but fill me with indescribable rage and when they interact with the other characters in the movie it is similar to the feeling you get when you make a bowl of cereal and there’s no milk, except stretched through an hour and 20 minutes. This movie does have potential though, for instance it could be used by the CIA to torture confessions out of people. There is one scene in the movie that sticks with me, in said scene Garfield (who is chasing after Odie after he is kidnapped) falls about 15 stories into a truck. During this scene he falls into a truck full of lasagna and says a pun that made my ears bleed but to someone not paying attention it seems like Garfield fell 15 stories and exploded in a violent burst of gore and viscera. Now I hope you, the reader appreciates what I do for you and the process of writing these reviews, I may not be a professional critic, or a good writer, but I watched this movie multiple times to get this review done. Never in my life had I suffered such pain, like a man with nothing more to lose I’ve given it all for this review. I’m coming back to this review a few days later and I’m realizing I am not a writer, I am not a movie reviewer, but damn I can still feel the pain this movie caused me. Worse than betting everything and losing it all, worse than almost achieving a goal but falling short and breaking both your arms, nearly getting the perfect game of chess but making a dumb move and losing it all, this movie was one of the worst experiences of my life. 3 outta 8 no one said “I like-a da lasagna”

171,146 words that’s the amount of words in the English language and I cannot use enough of them to describe how I feel about plat blat mall cop 2. This movie is even better than the original and it’s yet again all thanks to kevam jimes a plob blob. In this film hog bog is in Vegas for the national security officers assembly. But the hotel he’s staying at is robbed and his daughter is takes hostage. Pob bop then makes his way through the casino/hotel taking out the main villains henchmen one by one with non lethal weapons. But since these weapons were non lethal all the henchmen come back in a final fight scene against plap blap and all of his security officer friends. As a Vegas native I’ve heard legends about luaP tralB, it’s said that when the first settlers moved here they found paintings depicting the epic adventures that plaul btart will go through one day. These legends were passed down through generations until they came true. In the climax of the movie we meet the main villain of the mall cop franchise, the piano man, it immediately becomes apparent that he is the puppet master; using his piano skill to control all characters within the Plall Brat cinematic universe. In the dramatic finish of the movie pick bick gets kicked by a horse and dies after saving his daughter and dropping her off at college. 7/4 this movie was life changing

Throughout history philosophers have searched for the answers to many questions including the meaning of life, why are we here, and what our purpose is. And then on January 16th 2009 a film was released; Paul blart mall cop. This film changed everything, in 1 hour and 31 minutes, it answered every question philosophers have ever asked. In the struggle that was 2020 I studied this film to every extent possible I spent day after day watching and taking notes trying to figure out why and how this film will go down in history as the best movie ever made. All of my research has led me to the conclusion that Kevin James’ acting in Paul Baul Mall call carried this movie to the legendary status it has achieved. As Plart blart navigates his way through the mall taking out the villains one by one you can see that Kevin jevin was born for this role. Never before and never again will an actor be as fit for a role as Kames jevin in the role of Paul blart. This film is life changing and if you have never seen it I implore you to watch this film, you will walk away a better person and it’s all due to kevin blart’s role as Paul James