Alex Wong

Love Aaj Kal is a beautiful, complex movie and as a psychologist, I love it for so many reasons. It is a movie ahead of its time, that's deeply psychological and real. I love that the conflict is internal and deep. The underlying issue is Zoe's discomfort with intimate relationships (what psychologists call an avoidant attachment style). She cries after having sex with Veer and is afraid of the deep connection she's feeling with him. She says she's organized her entire life/work to avoid these feelings. As she dances at clubs, she's relieved her date and her have no chemistry, and so, because of its chances of going nowhere intimate she can continue to date him. Her mother emphasizes Zoe's self-reliance and the need to be independent. Zoe is a very relatable character because 25% of the population is Zoe: 25% of people have an avoidant attachment style. The drama comes from how as Zoe feels deeper and deeper feelings for Veer her gut tells her intimacy is dangerous, and so she pulls away from it. This movie doesn't waste my time with contrived obstacles. The drama is a serious intractable one, about Zoe wrestling with all these mixed internal signals. Zoe oscilates between approach and avoidance of Veer. Zoe's avoidant attachment style makes her deeply uncomfortable in the relationship and leads to her breaking up with Veer, but she also has positive feelings for him. Veer has a secure attachment style because he is comfortable with intimate relationships, commitment, and is responsive. Zoe has never met anyone like Veer before. As she gets closer and closer to Veer, her gut tells her this is wrong and she pulls away from it. This movie is not about the fight between choosing a career or a relationship, it's about Zoe's battle to make sense of these mixed messages, her siding with her gut (to leave Veer), and ultimately coming to realize that her gut is wrong. She is not secure by the end of the movie, but she now putting herself on the path to become secure. She still has issues with interdependence, but the impulses she once squelched, the deep feelings and relationship she has with Veer, she now accepts as valid information, strong enough to overcome her avoidance. Abandoning one's attachment style is no trivial matter. Many people do not change their attachment styles, and because of it struggle with their romantic relationships their whole life, throughout adulthood. These people are as Veer notes, in a relationship but not fully in it. Or for them relationships are like a revolving door of people, brief relationships that never get too deep or far. Zoe's reactions and emotions are spot-on. They were all appropriate, and anyone who says Zoe is over-reacting or Sara is over-acting, doesn't understand how fundamental our attachment styles are to our sense of self, our sense of what feels right and true about ourselves in relationships, and to go against them feels scary and wrong, even if going against them means we actually give ourselves a chance at having a meaningful, deep, satisfying relationship. This movie feels timeless because it really captures the psychological complexities of navigating relationships, and the issues Zoe and Veer / Raghu and Leena face are eternal human issues – not actually specific to 1990s or 2020s. The issues of what feels right in a relationship, of how deeply you can connect with someone, of integrating mixed messages from your gut, your family, society about independence/interdependence/monogamy/lust, of committing to your partner (commitment is a behavior) – these will forever be apart of the human condition, and I'm happy that Imtiaz shows that in the love stories of both times.