STND OUT

When I heard that there was a cat in the hat show in the works I was positively overjoyed. I have been an avid fan of the CITHCU ever since I was a child. When I sat down in front of my television on August 7th 2010, I was brimming with excitement. But as the first episode began, I started to wonder why the iconic feline sounded so different. To my horror, I found out that despite his awe-inspiring performance in The Cat in the Hat (2003), Mike Myers had not been brought back to voice the cat but instead the role had been given to a Mr Martin Short. After giving the creature a search on google, I discovered that Short has had a few minor roles in some notable films such as the Father of the Bride trilogy, Treasure Planet and 101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure. I simply could not comprehend why this varmint would be cast as THE cat in the hat. My wife Susan walked in and asked "Are you enjoying your show honey?" In a fit of rage, I started beating her to the ground. I looked behind me to see my two kids, Conrad and Sally, watching in horror. "YOU'RE NEXT" I shouted. And then I woke up. It was all a dream. I value honesty in a relationship so I told Susan about the dream and I'll never forget what she said to me after that. "I want a divorce." Apparently my wife was scared that she would be assaulted over a show. And then I got dressed as fast as I could, got the divorce papers and signed them as fast I could because The Cat is not just a show or a movie or a game, it is my life. Unfortunately, I lost custody of my kids because I was 'mentally unstable' and 'shouldn't be trusted around children'. This show made me lose the only people I have ever loved and my buffoon wife. Avoid this show at all costs. -Takemaya Uchiha, Eighth Hokage